


our fingers intertwined (just like our hearts)

by deartangerine



Category: That '70s Show
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Jackie, Closeted Character, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Genderbending, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Lesbian Hyde, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, Underage Masturbation, but light on the homophobia, heavy on the existential angst, mostly it's just jackie and hyde interacting and working stuff out (eventually)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-01-05 01:15:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 26,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18355595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deartangerine/pseuds/deartangerine
Summary: Jackie pouts. “Why’re you so mean to me?"“Newton's Third Law.” Hyde gives her a smile. "For every bitchiness there is an equal and opposite bitchiness."// In which the cheerleader and the burnout are both girls, and at first they think that's all they have in common.





	1. seeds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> circa Season Three (in terms of relationships, canon events whomst)
> 
>  **mild tw:** internalized biphobia, religion mention

Jackie is a lot nicer when she’s drunk. 

Hyde feels kinda bad for thinking this, but it’s true. A couple beers sand all the hard edges off her, and she just starts giggling at everything. Not the shrill sound of triumph she makes when something or someone bends to her will. These giggles are softer, kind of goofy-sounding, crinkling her nose. She even snorts. 

If Sober Jackie ever accidentally snorted while laughing, she probably wouldn’t laugh again for weeks. And Hyde finds herself thinking that would be a shame.

 _Hell._ Hyde is thinking Jackie’s laugh is cute? Maybe _she’s_ less sober than she thought she was.

Nah. Hyde has intoxication down to a science. After spending most of her life around drunks, she’s learned it is not only possible, but necessary, to drink just enough to reach that happy, warm tipsy point, and not one drop past it. 

That way, she keeps her reflexes. Keeps her peripheral vision keen. Keeps her tongue in her mouth. 

The party is dying out, and Hyde and Jackie have, somehow, wound up alone. Forman is off somewhere with Donna. Fez struck out one too many times, and went home. God knows where Kelso is. He either got his hand stuck in a pickle jar, or up some girl’s shirt. 

He and Jackie got into another fight, five minutes after arriving at the party. Hyde isn't one to pick sides, but... Kelso is a cheater. And an idiot. Jackie may be an idiot, for dating him in the first place, and continuing to date him even after all the cheating, but she has the high ground, here. Much as Hyde hates to admit it.

Usually Hyde sits back and enjoys the chaos. Hey, the two morons obviously deserve each other. But seeing how upset Jackie is- or _was,_ before she downed several beers- well. It makes Hyde want to break something. Preferably over Kelso’s head.

Jackie is way too drunk to be left alone at a party like this. Hyde sees the way the upperclassmen guys look at her. If Hyde wasn't here to glare at them, with the lump of her switchblade visible in the tight back pocket of her jeans... they'd probably do more than look. 

So Hyde is stuck. Morally and physically, since for the past fifteen minutes, Jackie has been clinging to her arm like a baby monkey. 

"Y’know what?” She’s babbling away. "Even though you're poor, an' weird, I'll let you be my friend, Sylvia. Isn't that nice 'a me?" She grins.

Outside of school, the only people who call Hyde by her first name are Mr. and Mrs. Forman... and Jackie.

Hyde grits her teeth. "I ain't your friend, I'm your babysitter. Apparently." She tries to wrench her arm out of Jackie's grip. “Now get offa me, goddammit.”

Jackie pouts. “Why’re you so mean to me?"

“Newton's Third Law.” Hyde gives her a smile. "For every bitchiness there is an equal and opposite bitchiness."

Sometimes, when Hyde is tipsy, she forgets to conceal the fact that she actually pays attention in school.

“Whatever," Jackie huffs. "I won over Donna, an’ I’ll win you over, too. Jus’ you wait.” She brightens. “Ooh, we could go get manicures together!”

Hyde makes a gagging sound. Although that doesn't actually sound too terrible. Just not with Jackie.

“Or- or- we could go to th’ movies? Or out to dinner? I’d take you somewhere real nice. We could get all dressed up.”

Hyde’s cheeks flush. She blames the alcohol swirling in her bloodstream. “You realize what you just described is a date.”

“No.” Jackie uses the same tone she employs when Kelso is being especially stupid. “Not if it’s two girls, dummy.”

Hyde crinkles her brow. “Uh huh.” 

She and Donna have never gone out to dinner together. Unless you count burgers at The Hub, which Hyde doesn't. Whenever Hyde and Donna hang out alone, they mostly just smoke weed and talk. About how stupid the guys are, and what they might do with their lives, if they ever make it out of Point Place. 

“You should go get me ‘nother beer,” says Jackie, pushing Hyde’s shoulder. 

Hyde opens her mouth to say _“Go get your own,”_ but then she takes in Jackie’s glassy, unfocused stare, her flushed face, the tilt and sway of her usually ballet-quality posture. 

Hyde heaves a sigh. Kelso is gonna pay for this. Forman, too. Going to this stupid party was his stupid idea in the first place.

“Nope,” Hyde says to Jackie, matter-of-fact. “I’m taking you home.”

"What? Nuh-uh! You don’t tell me what to do.” Jackie stomps her foot. It sets her off-balance, and she pitches forward, into Hyde’s arms. Hyde catches her, with a grunt. 

Jackie giggles again, her irritation promptly forgotten. “Whoopsie.” She gets her balance back, and Hyde lets go, but Jackie doesn't pull away. She reaches up, and takes Hyde's sunglasses off her face. 

"Why d'you wear these all the time?" She gazes up at Hyde. Hyde is frozen, like a rabbit staring down a shotgun. "You have such pretty eyes," Jackie sighs, her breath hot on Hyde's cheeks.

Hyde scowls, and stumbles backward. She snatches the sunglasses out of Jackie's hands.

“Don't. Touch. The glasses," she enunciates, as she puts them back on, and tries to regain her cool.

Jackie looks like a puppy whose tail has just been stomped on. And now Hyde feels like shit.

That’s the kicker. It’s hard to hate Jackie. Even now, at her most annoying, all giggly and touchy and complimenting Hyde's eyes. Come to think, Drunk Jackie is making Hyde appreciate Sober Jackie. Bitchy, superior, put-together. Her tongue razor-sharp in her lip-glossed mouth, nose turned-up, her grip tight on Kelso's leash. That's funny to watch, at least.

"Ah, it's alright." Hyde makes her voice soft. She puts a hand on Jackie's shoulder, and squeezes. "C’mon, lemme walk you home. Okay?"

Jackie nods.

The party happens to be in Point Place's one rich neighborhood, so Jackie’s house can’t be too far away. Hyde could track Forman down and lift the Vista Cruiser keys off him, but she doesn’t want to spend another second in that suffocating, sweaty house. Besides, a walk sounds kind of nice. Maybe it’ll help dry the cheerleader out a little bit.

Outside, they can breathe free at last. The night is sweet and warm and cloudless. Stars shine like seeds scattered over grey-black soil.

Jackie dimly recognizes where they are, and starts off towards her house. Hopefully. She’s not very steady, though. Hyde has to keep reaching out to stop her from tripping over her own feet.

There's a brief yet fierce debate over holding hands, which Hyde settles by shoving her own into the pockets of her brown leather jacket. Jackie sulks for about twenty seconds of blessed quiet. 

Then she says, “’S your turn to pick somethin’ to talk about, Sylvia.” After a pause, she tacks on impatiently, “So? Go on.”

“Well, Jackie, I’m a big fan of this wonderful thing called silence. You should try it sometime.”

Jackie shoots Hyde a withering look. “You’re impossible.”

Hyde smiles. “Look. We've got nothin’ in common, okay? We've got nothin’ to talk about.”

“That is not true. We both… we're both girls.” Jackie points a finger at Hyde, triumphant. “So- we could talk about boys.”

Hyde rolls her eyes, as one more piece of her soul leaves her body. “No,” she says flatly.

“So you’re not dating anybody?”

This is layer seven of Hyde’s own personal purgatory. “No,” she says, hoping enough annoyance drips from her voice to silence Jackie on the subject.

Wishful thinking. 

“But you have, b’fore, right?”

“Sure.”

"You're- " Jackie swallows a burp, lifting a dainty hand to her mouth. "You're bad at talking."

"You're bad at shutting up," quips Hyde.

Jackie ducks her eyes, smiling to herself. “Y'know… I just remembered somethin' funny. Really funny.” She stumbles again, and Hyde steadies her. This time, Jackie takes Hyde’s hand, and Hyde doesn’t jerk it away. Jackie looks up at her. Her eyes are glittery. They honest-to-god sparkle in the moonlight. 

“Well?” Jackie arches her eyebrows. 

Hyde's mouth is dry. “Well, what?”

“Don’tcha wanna hear the funny thing I ’membered?”

Like she has a choice. Hyde shrugs.

“I remembered my first kiss. ’S funny- ‘cause I always forget about it, y’know. I always say that my firs' kiss was with Johnny Marten in 6th grade.” Her gaze tilts away. She’s still holding onto Hyde, swinging their hands between them as they walk. “But my _first_ first kiss was in 5th grade. I always forget ‘cause it didn’t really count, y’know? ‘Cause it was with- with a girl.”

Hyde has been pretending not to listen, up until this. She snaps her head over, to meet Jackie’s eyes. She blinks.

Wait, was this supposed to be a funny story, like _haha, that's gay?_ Was Hyde supposed to laugh? Shit. Too late, now.

“Huh,” she says carefully, and tries to slide back into her Zen face. Her heartbeat is thick in her ears. 

“Yeah, I used to get crushes on boys _and_ girls." Jackie waves a hand. "The ones on girls weren’t, like, real, though. An' I used to think-” She giggles, but it’s a little bit strained, desperate. “God, this is so stupid. I used to think everybody got crushes on boys and girls. But they don’t, do they?” 

She’s not giggling anymore. She stops in the middle of the sidewalk. Her eyes are big, and she's gripping Hyde's hand so tight it almost hurts. 

She asks, quiet, “Do they?”

Fuck. _Fuck._ Hyde wishes she was somewhere else right now. Wait. No. She wishes she was some _one_ else. Someone more like Donna. Donna would know exactly what to say.

The ‘hell-with-this-bullshit’ part of Hyde wants to just tell it straight. Or gay. Whatever. 

The words are right there: _“Jackie, that’s called being bisexual.”_

But there’s a rock in her throat, holding them down. 

She thinks about that talk show segment she saw late at night once, when she was 13, where they brought on these sad-looking women and did a whole sordid 'exposé' about lesbianism, and in retrospect it had been sensationalist, voyeuristic garbage but to Hyde, in that moment, to hear that there was a word for it- that there were women who only liked women- it had been nothing less than a bolt of lightning. Even though it took her a couple years to figure out why.

Hyde could be Jackie’s bolt of lightning, right here, standing two feet away from a tacky deer lawn ornament.

She swallows hard. When she opens her mouth, all that comes out is:

“I dunno, man.”

And there are so many reasons. Because Hyde is in the closet. Because she’s not cut out to be anybody’s gay fairy godmother. Because this is _Jackie,_ and she's drunk, and even if Hyde said the perfect thing it would all be forgotten by the morning.

Only later, much later, Hyde will look back on this as the moment when she truly earned her ticket to Hell. 

That is, if Hell exists. She kinda wants to believe it does, in some form or denomination, 'cause her parents definitely deserve to rot there. But Hyde is gonna rot there, too, and not for being a lesbian.

She’s going to Hell for leaving Jackie in the metaphorical cold, the same cold that Hyde knows all too well.

For saying three feeble words, _“I dunno, man,”_ and then letting go of Jackie’s hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To anyone who's read my other T7S fic - this is going to be pretty different. I wrote "by cowardice or courage" having only seen up through Season 3, so I had not yet fully realized the potential of Jackie/Hyde. But I'm still in love with Genderbent!Hyde, so here we are. In this fic, only Hyde is genderbent. Also, as a heads-up: based on what I have planned this fic may get into (underage, consensual) sexual content, in which case I'll update the rating and tags.
> 
> Next chapter will be Jackie's POV, and then it'll trade back and forth. If you dig this so far, pretty please kudos or comment! ♥︎


	2. back-talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> circa Season Four
> 
>  **mild tw:** very brief/implied body image issues, brief internalized homophobia

It took a bit of effort, but Jackie's finally managed to cement her place among Michael's friends.

Sylvia was by far the toughest nut to crack. At first. Then sometime this past summer, she softened. Jackie doesn't know what caused it. There was one blurry night where Jackie went with Michael and everybody to a party, but then they got into a fight, and she can't quite remember how she got home, but she does remember Sylvia being there.

Since then, Sylvia's been... different.

The change was subtle. Most everything about Sylvia is subtle, except maybe her hair. But she no longer rolls her eyes whenever Jackie opens her mouth. Sometimes, when there's no one else in the basement, they even sit and watch TV in companionable silence. And when Sylvia gets up to get a popsicle, she gets one for Jackie, too, without having to ask which flavor.

Jackie _knows_ Sylvia must like her okay, 'cause she always gets her watermelon. Jackie's favorite.

Anyway. Why it was so difficult to earn their respect in the first place, Jackie can't understand. She may be a grade below them, but she has way higher social standing than all of those weirdos combined. They should have welcomed her with open arms, and a red carpet. Jackie's mere presence has raised the classiness of that basement by a significant amount.

And god knows it was a sacrifice. Her image took a hit. Michael was worth it, though. 

Except... ever since they got back together again, for good this time, being with Michael has felt more like a chore than a reward. She still loves him, she's pretty sure. And they have such a history together. Plus they've gotten pretty good at "doing it," after all the practice they've had. 

Still. Jackie has been doing some introspection lately.

She's come to the conclusion that maybe she is not as good a person as she thought she was. You can be popular, and beloved, and then wake up and realize that no one really wants to spend time with you. Because you're not actually a very nice person.

All her trials with Michael have taught her something, too; bossiness and submission does not a good relationship make. Besides, bossing him around is just no fun anymore. 

But if Jackie isn't bossy, then who is she?

Whatever. She can only stand about five minutes of introspection before she gets sick of it. The inside of her head is not a very nice place. All sorts of gross, unwanted feelings lurk around in there. 

Sometimes, Jackie imagines them as people. Loneliness is a sad old woman, all wispy hair and spindly, liver-spotted fingers, who sits by the phone even though it never rings. Fear is a little kid, wide-eyed and jumpy, hiding under a blanket with her knees tucked under her chin. Guilt is a fat girl, for sure, who tries to make herself as small as possible in the locker room, and averts her gaze from other girls' bodies even though she wonders what they would feel like-

Nope. Jackie is better off staying out of her own head.

"Hey, everybody," she sings, as she sidles up to the group in the hallway during the morning break between classes. Sylvia turns and smiles, and gives her a nod. Jackie's chest fills up with sunlight. 

“Hey, baby,” Michael coos. Right. Her boyfriend. He's there, too. 

He scoops Jackie into his arms, for their morning kiss. He’s been extra sweet lately, which makes it all the more strange that Jackie feels so... lukewarm. Once upon a time she would have melted into his strong, lanky body.

She kisses him perfunctorily, and gives him silent permission to go back to his dumb handheld electronic game, some kind of 'Auto Race' or something. Fez is watching him play with envy.

The rest of the group, or the 'Terrific Trio,' as Jackie semi-ironically calls them in her head, are deep in a passionate debate. Pancakes versus waffles. Donna and Hyde are pro-waffle. Eric is pro-pancake, probably just to be contrary to Donna. Even though they're friends again, he's clearly still bitter about their break-up.

It's such an idiotic thing to debate about, but they're enjoying themselves. 

"Hyde, I can't believe you would betray me like this!" Eric wails, tossing up his hands. "After our sacred midnight pancake ritual?"

"Sorry, Forman, but waffles are just better. They've got more surface area."

Sylvia is looking especially... well, Sylvia today. Plunging neckline, leather jacket, tight high-waisted jeans. Her hair is puffy and cloud-like, golden-brown curls tumbling down to her shoulders.

"Yep, the pockets are key." Donna nods, straight-faced. "For maximum butter and syrup capacity."

Eric shakes his head. "Pancakes have a long and storied past. Civilizations have risen and fallen on the strength of their pancakes. Waffles are nothing but a fad! A fleeting trend!" He shakes a finger at Donna and Hyde. "You're on the wrong side of history, my friends."

Jackie is about to contribute her own two cents, on how you can add berries and chocolate chips to pancakes, but add-ins always just get stuck to the waffle-maker, when a voice cuts across the hallway.

"Hey, Foreskin!"

Eric winces, and smiles wryly. "Ah, my adoring public."

A group of greasy-looking guys lean up against the opposite bank of lockers. One of them is wearing a camera around his neck, another holds a clipboard.

 _Oh, great._ The yearbook team. Scourge of the senior class. 

The guy with the camera looks Sylvia up and down, with a wolfish grin. "Foreskin, you mind if we borrow your friend Saliva... oh, sorry, I mean- Sylvia?" he snickers. "We need to interview her, for the yearbook."

Another of the guys pokes his tongue into his cheek, then adds, not very quietly, "Yeah, we need to interview that _ass."_

They all crack up, and high five each other. Jackie watches Sylvia.

She hasn't moved. She's still facing Eric and Donna, her back to her audience. A shadow crosses her face, jaw tightening. One corner of her mouth curls up. She pulls her shoulders back, tilts her hips in a sultry stance. She turns halfway, to toss a look over her shoulder.

"Why don'tcha come over here?" She shoots the camera guy a wink. "I'll give you an exclusive."

He grins. Slowly, he saunters over, while his friends back him up with a chorus of 'Ooohh's.

Eric chuckles. "Ohh, he fell for it," he sing-songs softly.

Donna nudges Eric, grinning. "I love when they fall for it."

The camera guy comes up behind Sylvia, and licks his lips, eyes fixed downward. 

What happens next, happens _fast._

One second, the guy is reaching for Sylvia's ass. The next second, there's a clatter of metal, and his face is smashed up against the lockers. Sylvia's got one hand gripping the back of his neck, the other twisting his arm behind his back, bent at an unnatural angle. 

He pants for air, and squeals, "What the hell? You crazy bi-"

"Listen up, dickbrain," Hyde growls. She shoves him harder into the lockers, eliciting another pained yelp. "If you and your slimeball friends so much as _look_ at me ever again, I'll shove that camera so far down your throat you'll be takin' pictures through your asshole. Understood?"

He nods, as best as he can, still whimpering.

Jackie realizes her mouth has fallen open. She snaps it shut. That was... the scariest and most incredible thing she's ever seen. She wants to burst into applause.

Heavy footsteps shake the floor. "Sylvia Hyde."

_Uh oh._

It's Mr. Thomson, the PE teacher. For all his insistence on rules and discipline, Jackie has on good authority that the coffee thermos he keeps in his office is full of liquor. And judging by the ruddy shine on his nose, he's already been hitting the thermos this morning.

Hyde lets go of the yearbook guy, and steps back. The boy peels himself off the lockers with as much dignity as he can muster. He dusts himself off, and gives Hyde a smug, _now-you're-in-for-it_ sneer.

Mr. Thomson looms over her. "Can you tell me what our school policy is towards violence, Miss Hyde?"

"Oh, yeah, I know this one." She nods, in mock earnestness. "Zero tolerance policy. Unless you're an athlete, or your parents are on the school board, or you were 'just messin' around.'" She grins. "Isn't that right, sir?"

By now a small crowd has gathered. There's a hushed symphony of 'Ooohh's, all eyes on Hyde. She's cool as a cucumber, staring up at Mr. Thomson without a hint of fear.

He turns even redder. "Congratulations," he snarls. "You've earned yourself a week of detention, young lady. Starting today, after school at two-"

"Two o'clock, room 115. I know the drill." Hyde smiles placidly. "Lookin' forward to it. I'll bet they've missed me."

Something hot and strange, a heretofore unknown feeling, courses through Jackie's veins. She brushes the front of her skirt, and steps forward.

"Excuse me, Mr. Thomson, sir?"

She brings out the sweet-talking tone that always works a treat on authority figures. The man turns around, and narrows his eyes at her. He's almost twice her height, but Jackie doesn't flinch.

She dons her most winning smile, and taps a hand to her chest. "Jacqueline Burkhart. I'm a junior in excellent academic standing, and I'm head of the varsity cheerleading squad. Just so you understand where I'm coming from, when I tell you that you're making a mistake."

"A _mistake?"_ he spits.

Sylvia takes a step toward her, brow knit. "Jackie, what are you-"

Jackie continues, unruffled, "Yes, sir, a mistake. I saw the whole thing happen. Sylvia was simply defending herself from unwanted advances." Her father's legalese, absorbed from years of listening to him hash out cases over the phone at the dinner table, rises to her tongue. "Also, she did make a threat of violence, but there's, um- reasonable doubt as to whether she actually _committed_ any violence, so depending on the language of the school policy-"

"Shut it," Mr. Thomson barks. "One-day detention, Miss Burkhart. For back-talk."

Jackie gasps. "What? You can't- _what?_ " She blinks, aghast. "No, no. You can't give _me_ detention. I'm a good student. And my father, Jack Burkhart, is a very influ-" She stops, catching Hyde's smirk. Jackie stomps her foot. "I have cheer practice, Mr. Thomson!"

"That's the only reason why I didn't give you a week, too. Don't make me change my mind." He sniffs. "I'm supervising detention today, so I'll see both of you in room 115, two o'clock sharp."

He stomps off. Hyde calls after him, "It's a date!"

Jackie’s heart is pounding. She presses her hands to her cheeks, shaking her head. "I can't believe this is happening to me," she breathes. "I can't be seen in detention. My reputation will never recover." She turns, and smacks her boyfriend on the chest. "Why didn't you do something, Michael?"

"Ow!" He rubs his chest, frowning. He throws out a hand. "What was I s'posed to do?"

Jackie can't think of an answer, so she whirls on Sylvia. "You. This is _your_ fault." 

"Yeah, I don't recall hiring you as my lawyer." She raises her eyebrows. "I appreciate the effort an' all, but you brought this on yourself."

 _Dammit._ She's right. Jackie crosses her arms, and scowls, tapping her foot.

This whole 'being a good person' thing? What a load of crap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is what happens in detention... :D
> 
> It's tougher for me to write Jackie's POV, for some reason, so I hope she seemed in-character. I'd love to hear any opinions on how I did with that!


	3. belonging

Jackie Burkhart is in detention.

It's taking all Hyde's strength not to crack up laughing every other minute. It's just that Jackie is still so pissed-off. If that girl is good at one thing, it's being mad, and staying mad. At least, until someone soothes her with material consolation. Preferably something expensive, and shiny.

She sits in the desk in front of Hyde, her back ramrod-straight, arms folded, shoulders stiff enough to hang a shelf on. What makes it even funnier, in Hyde's opinion, is Jackie's cheery rainbow-striped sweater, cinched around her waist with a yellow belt, the colors bright in contrast to her dark-wash denim skirt. Her legs are crossed, top foot jiggling impatiently. She glares at the clock as if it's personally responsible for this injustice. 

By 2:15, the humor of the situation has worn thin. Jackie is still radiating anxiety, and now it's starting to get on Hyde's nerves. She sighs, and taps Jackie on the shoulder.

Jackie whirls around. Her chestnut pigtails almost whip Hyde in the face. 

"We're not supposed to talk," she hisses, and turns back to face front, with a huff.

Hyde leans over her desk, and murmurs, "Mr. Thomson's been asleep for the past five minutes. I don't think we'll wake him up. 'Long as you can keep your volume down, O Loud One."

Jackie turns and glares at Hyde. Then her eyes go big and sorrowful. "This is very hard for me," she says, with soap-opera pathos. “I don’t expect you to understand.”

Hyde pinches her mouth, to suppress a smile. She nods gravely. "Oh, I do. You had to miss cheer practice. What will the squad do without you? How can they go on?"

"It's not just missing cheer. It's the fact that I have to be- _here,_ with..." She crinkles her nose, looking around the room, at the motley assortment of detention regulars. "These people."

Hyde stares at her, one eyebrow quirked.

"I didn't mean you, Sylvia." Jackie hesitates. "Okay, yeah, I kinda did. But I'm not- I'm just not like you! Can't you see I don't belong here?"

Hyde chews the inside of her lip, thinks a moment. She interlaces her hands, resting her elbows on the desk. "Alright, Jackie. Riddle me this. If you think that _you_ don't belong here, but I do, then why'd you defend me to Mr. Thomson?"

She didn't mean it as a rhetorical question. She's genuinely curious.

Jackie is caught off-guard. "I... Well." She frowns. "I was only telling the truth. That yearbook jerk had it coming."

Hyde isn't buying it. "Since when do you value the truth over the status quo? You're- like, the poster child of the status quo."

"That is so not fair." Jackie turns up her nose, and sniffs. "And even if I was, before, I'm not like that anymore. I speak up for what's right."

Hyde chokes on a laugh, and starts coughing.

"You are not being very grateful for my sacrifice. I'm here because of you, remember."

Hyde recovers, and lifts a hand. "Jackie, you can't 'speak up for what's right' and then turn around and shit on the people you're speaking up for."

Jackie sucks in a breath through her nose. "Okay. Fine. I don't think you belong here. You've been wrongfully imprisoned. There, is that better?"

"Better," Hyde concedes. "Look, I'm just tryin' to get you to see the bigger picture." She tosses a hand, to take in the classroom. "None of these kids belong here. We're here because the system is set against us."

Jackie crinkles her nose, skeptical. She points. "That guy peed out of a window in my 3rd period class."

Hyde grimaces. "Okay. I'm not saying we're saints. But... things aren't always what they seem, alright?"

She tries her best to inject as much meaning into it as she can. The surface meaning, plus Gay Subtext. 'Things aren't always what they seem' could also mean: 'you might be bisexual, or maybe you're not sure, and you can't admit it out loud, and that's okay, but just know that you're not alone, that I'm here, stuck in this shit situation with you.'

Jackie blinks at her. Yeah. Hyde seriously doubts she got all that across.

"Hey." A kid two desks away lifts his head, and regards them with bleary, red-rimmed eyes. It's Hank, one of the heads Hyde sometimes smokes with behind the cafeteria. "Mind keepin' it down, man?"

"Sorry, man," whispers Hyde. She taps her fingers on the desk, and cranes her neck to see past Jackie. Mr. Thomson is slumped in his chair with his head tilted back, mouth hanging open, snoring. His alcohol-laced breath suffuses the entire room. Hyde smirks.

If she knows one thing for sure, it's that drunks sleep like the dead.

So she doesn't bother not making any noise, as she stands up. She glances at the door: locked, and the keys are in Mr. Thomson's pocket. That would be an unpleasant mission. She eyes the windows.

Jackie gives Hyde a questioning look, and opens her mouth.

Before she can say anything, Hyde asks, "Wanna get out of here?"

"What?" Jackie's brow knits. "We can't just _leave_ detention, Sylvia."

"Sure we can." Hyde goes over the window, and pries the lock open with practiced ease. "As you pointed out, neither of us belong here."

Jackie gets up, and comes over, casting nervous glances at Mr. Thomson. "But- you said you're here 'cause the system is set against you. Right?"

"Right," says Hyde. She coaxes the window open. A fresh autumn breeze comes rushing in. 

"Well, by ditching detention, aren't you just confirming the label the system's stuck on you? Or whatever?"

Hyde freezes, with one leg halfway out the window. "I- No." She frowns at Jackie. "I'm _fighting_ the system."

Jackie raises her eyebrows, and crosses her arms. "It looks a lot like playing into their expectations."

Hyde narrows her eyes. She considers this.

She shrugs. “I don’t expect you to understand, Jackie." And with that, she slips all the way out of the window, landing softly on the grass outside.

She doesn't wait around. Because then she would have to acknowledge the weak little flame in her chest, flickering with the hope that Jackie might follow. Hyde starts walking away. 

A light thud comes from behind her, accompanied by a familiar exasperated huff. She grins.

"Hey, wait up! And where are we going?"

Hyde turns to face Jackie, walking backwards. "Wherever we want."

Jackie fights a smile, and loses. And _damn,_ looking at that smile straight-on is like staring into a supernova. Hyde's sunglasses are no match for it. She's dazzled. Anyone would be, though. It must be how Jackie paralyzes her prey, before going in for the kill.

"I've never been a delinquent before." She shimmies her shoulders a little, and giggles. "This is exciting."

Hyde turns back around. For some reason, looking at Jackie all shiny-eyed and flushed makes Hyde's chest tight. 

She starts, teasing, "Well, I was thinkin' we could stop by cheer practice..."

"No!" Jackie pales in terror. "They cannot see me with you!"

Saw that coming. Hyde rolls her eyes.

"Ugh. I keep doing that." Jackie purses her lips. "I swear I don't even mean to."

Hyde cocks an eyebrow. "You keep blatantly insulting me on accident?"

"Look, it's not you. It's them. The cheer squad." She furrows her brow, staring down at the ground as they walk, as if the words she's looking for might be written there. "They... they don't really- I mean, they think you're-"

Hyde comes to her rescue. "A poor, dirty whore just like my mother?"

Jackie's eyes fly wide. Her cheeks flush pink. _Yep._ Right on the money.

"Hey, it's cool." Hyde shrugs. "I think they're entitled, vapid airheads, so it all evens out."

Jackie stares at Hyde. "I just don't understand you, Sylvia," she says quietly, turning away.

"What?"

"Well, if you don't want people to think you're a poor, dirty whore, then why do you dress like one?"

Hyde's mouth drops open. Then she bursts out laughing. 

"Oh, no," Jackie moans, burying her face in her hands. "I did it again."

Hyde doubles over, cackling helplessly. She straightens up, and takes off her sunglasses, to wipe her eyes. "Jackie, you have no filter. And I love it. Never change."

 _Whoa._ Hyde's laughter fades quickly. Her cheeks burn. She hopes that didn't come off as- well. Overly friendly.

If Jackie thought so, it's hard to tell. She's red-faced, too, and slightly mortified. She lifts a hand. "Just so we're clear, _I_ don't think you're-"

"Yeah, yeah." Hyde tucks her sunglasses into her jacket pocket. She pulls her lips into her mouth, then stops walking. Jackie stops, too, eyeing Hyde with a mixture of guilt and trepidation.

"Okay." Hyde spreads her hands. "Lemme try to explain it."

Jackie gazes up at her, enrapt. Hyde wouldn't be surprised if she whipped out paper and pen, and started taking notes. 

Hyde takes a breath. "People are gonna think whatever they want about me, and I can't stop them. They're gonna think I'm a whore, 'cause of my mom. They're gonna think I'm riddled with STDs, or a heroin addict- or whatever. If I started dressing like..." Hyde gestures to Jackie, "-like you, for example, you reckon any of that would change?"

Jackie shakes her head.

"Exactly. So I dress how I like, and hell with all of them." Hyde looks down at herself. "Yeah, some might call this a, shall we say, 'alternative' look. But it makes me feel- like I'm in control, 'cause..." She shrugs. "I dunno. 'Cause I'm in control."

Jackie nods slowly. "Huh. That's weird, but it almost makes sense." Her gaze tilts away. "I think... I kinda do the same thing."

"Really?"

"Well. No. Not the same. 'Cause you don't care what anybody thinks, and I do." She pauses, with a thoughtful expression. "But when I get all dressed up just how _I_ like, in the perfect outfit, put on my makeup, do my hair, y'know. When I feel pretty, I feel like... well, what you said. Like I'm in control. And then I can act like it."

Hyde smirks. "Boss everyone around, you mean."

"I do _not_ boss everyone-" She smacks Hyde's arm. "You take that back! Right now!"

Hyde chuckles. Jackie cracks a smile, rolling her eyes. "Alright, alright," she says grudgingly. "Point taken."

They start walking again, in a new kind of silence. It's deep and soft, crackling at the edges. 

"Hey." Hyde turns her head, to catch Jackie's eyes in hers. "What you did, today, standing up to Mr. Thomson for me. That was cool."

 _Oh, man._ Big mistake. Jackie's eyes go all sparkly, her face lighting up in another 1,000-watt grin. "Really? You thought it was cool?" She blinks, and gives herself a little shake. "I mean- duh." She purses her lips. "Of course it was. And now you owe me something in return."

Hyde smiles, and against all the better judgement in her being, she says, "Name it." 

She blames that grin. Plus maybe some residual guilt over what happened last summer, when Jackie reached out to her, from the cold, and Hyde didn't reach back. 

Jackie's grin turns wicked. "You said name it," she sings. "No take-backs."

Hyde's stomach drops. _Shit._

"Oh, don't look so scared." Jackie reaches out, and pats Hyde's arm. "Y'know what? I think I'll save this favor, for a rainy day. Now c'mon, let's go to The Hub."

Hyde takes her sunglasses out of her pocket, and slides them back on.

Yeah, she's definitely gonna regret this.


	4. entangled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> circa the end of Season 4
> 
>  **tw:** masturbation, guilt (Rating is now M! ^)

Jackie sometimes daydreams about giving Sylvia a makeover.

Lately, she's been calling her Sylvie, and the nickname tastes so sweet on Jackie’s tongue. She says it any chance she gets. 

_Sylvie, Sylvie, Sylvie._

Jackie has always loved giving makeovers to her girlfriends. Everything about it. The smell of nail polish, soft hair, the twitch of their eyelids as Jackie applies shadow and mascara and then- _“all done!”_ \- they open their eyes and Jackie admires her work, with a flush of pride.

Jackie lounges on her bed, at her most relaxed in panties and a t-shirt, and thinks about all the things she could do with Sylvia’s beautiful hair. It needs some serious conditioning, but it has a lot of potential.

And her hands… Jackie would lotion them, and then do her nails. She would probably go for black, or a deep wine red. Jackie squirms a little on her bedspread, thinking about holding Hyde’s long, slender fingers in her own. 

Jackie bites her lip. She gets up, and turns off her light.

In the dark, her fantasy is safe from scrutiny. Jackie can deny it’s even happening. Fantasies don’t mean anything, anyway. They don't diminish her commitment to Michael. God knows he has plenty of fantasies of his own that don't involve her, which he isn't shy about sharing.

Jackie would _never_ share this fantasy with him.

She lies back onto her bed, and lets her hand travel downward, dipping under the waistband of her panties. 

Hyde probably wouldn’t like the idea of a makeover, at first. But she would warm up to it. She would thank Jackie, praise her, _“Hey, you’re good at this.”_ Jackie would smile, and say, _“I know.”_ And they would be sitting really close on Jackie’s bed, and Hyde would have to get undressed to try on the beautiful dress Jackie picked out for her.

Jackie presses down on that one really sensitive point with her finger, rubbing harder, speeding up. Warmth spreads through her center and all the way down her legs, in waves. Her hips buck upward of their own accord.

Maybe they forget about the dress. _“You don’t even need a makeover, Sylvie. You’re so beautiful,”_ Jackie tells her. Hyde murmurs, _“So are you.”_

Then they're kissing, and Hyde's mouth is so gentle, and warm. They're both somehow undressed now, soft skin brushing against each other, and Hyde lays Jackie back on the bed and hovers over her, and Jackie pretends this is Hyde’s hand between her legs, Hyde's voice whispering in her ear, _“Damn, you’re so pretty like this, Jackie, so pretty, so good, so-”_

The scene comes apart when Jackie does, panting and shaking and stuffing a blanket in her mouth to muffle her moans. Then she sucks the tangy, musky dampness off her fingers, even though it’s gross, because she kind of likes the way it tastes.

Once Jackie stops quivering, she gets up and changes into fresh panties, and turns the light back on. 

There's a stupid grin she can't wipe off her face. She feels like a star has exploded in her stomach. 

That is, until she catches her reflection in the mirror in the bathroom, when she goes to wash her hands. And it hits her, what she’s just done. Her stomach churns, heavy and sick.

She turns the light off again, and crawls under the covers. She hugs Fluffycakes the Unicorn tight to her chest, because her body aches to hold something, and he’s all she's got.

✩

Ever since Donna's mom left, she and Hyde have been spending a lot of time together. Staying up late and talking for hours, much to Forman's jealous chagrin. But he hasn't pushed them about it. Deep down, beneath his many layers of insecurity, he probably knows that Donna needs someone who gets it. And when it comes to abandonment, well, there's no one who gets it better than Hyde.

Anyway. Hyde finally came out to Donna.

It was so terrifying, she pretty much had an out-of-body experience, when the words left her mouth. But Donna was cool. Like, really cool. Hyde never honestly expected she wouldn't be. But neither had she expected Donna to blurt, _"I think I like girls, sometimes, too. But also guys. I mean, Casey. He's just- whew. But man, Penny Wilson..."_

Hyde had laughed, 'cause yeah, Penny Wilson is hot. Also very- athletic. Hyde has wondered on more than one occasion if Penny might be gay. But judging by that criteria, then all the girls on the field hockey team would be.

Hyde and Donna talked about the field hockey girls for a solid twenty minutes. It was awesome.

Then Hyde took Donna out to the gay bar in Kenosha where she sometimes goes, and that was awesome, too. By the end of the night, Donna was sure- she's bisexual, and somehow it doesn't come as a surprise, at all. Hyde wonders if they always kind of saw it in each other, subconsciously.

The whole thing also reinforces just how much Hyde is over Donna. Which is impressive, considering how hard she crushed on her for most of sophomore year.

Then there's Jackie.

Hyde's been spending some time with her, too. Just the usual stuff, hanging out in the basement, doing whatever. Still, it's pretty much torture.

Not because she doesn't like Jackie. Oh, no. Just the opposite.

Honestly, Hyde has to wonder: what is wrong with her? First Donna, and now Jackie. Is this just how it’s gonna be? Is Hyde gonna fall for every girl she makes friends with? Every girl who smiles at her, or merely gives her the time of day? 

Jesus Christ, she’s hopeless. 

But there’s something special about Jackie. Different from how Hyde ever felt about Donna. More… just _more._ More everything.

Jackie walks into the room and swallows all the oxygen and leaves none for Hyde. She walks into the room and even when Hyde isn’t looking at her, Hyde can see her. 

Hyde sees Jackie even when her eyes are closed.

Jackie leaves the room and Hyde can see the shape she left in the air for hours after she’s gone. Jackie leaves the room and Hyde’s heart pitches in her chest, as if to follow.

Jesus _Christ._

✩

Jackie has to do something.

Her stupid, weird, definitely-not-a-crush on Hyde is getting out of hand. It's distracting her from Michael- Michael, whom she's fought so hard for, whom she's gone through so much hardship for. She gave up her allowance for him! She got dressed up in that dumb outfit and gave out stinky cheese samples to stinky old people at the mall. All in the name of their love.

She just can't lose him. Michael is her happy ending, she's sure of it, and she's his happy ending, too.

Jackie is more and more sure of this with every passing day. She throws herself into it, because when Jackie Burkhart sets her mind to something, she sees it through. 

And the more she focuses on Michael, the less room there is in her head for Hyde. For the way she chuckles under her breath when Jackie makes some snarky comment, though Jackie didn't even realize she was listening. For the revelation that is her bare neck and ears, that day she ties her hair back in a bandanna. For the way she smells- warm, and a little bit sweet and smoky. 

Jackie has to do something, and do it fast.

Her epiphany comes while sitting in The Hub, where many great epiphanies occur. She looks across the table at Michael and knows what she has to do. She blinks the tears out of her eyes, tears of _joy._ Of course they're of joy.

Jackie has to be brave. But she'll have her happy ending, and that's that.

✩

Late at night, Hyde lies awake in her room in the Forman's basement. In the silken darkness above her head she directs the movie of her life.

Not her real life, obviously. That would make a crappy movie. No, Hyde prefers to make it all up. She'd be a great director, she thinks. She's got a killer soundtrack and everything. And the plots get pretty elaborate. Sometimes they even-

Well. Let's just say her movies aren't always rated PG.

Hyde keeps real people out of those ones, though. She's got a lot of good 'mysterious stranger' plots, sometimes falling back on the memory of her actual first time, first with a girl that is, back when that punk chick rolled into Point Place on a motorcycle and later, in a motel, gave Hyde her first orgasm. But in her movie, Hyde is usually the punk chick with the motorcycle. Man, that would be sweet.

Anyway. Girls she knows in real-life are off-limits, 'cause... they just are.

So Hyde lies there in the dark, in the quiet, and starts up her latest scenario. It's a good one. 

She's working at the Foto Hut, and a girl comes by- a real straight-laced, well-dressed girl- with a roll of film she needs developed _"right away,"_ she says. So Hyde smiles at her and goes, _"Sure, doll, anything for you,"_ and promises they'll be done in an hour. The girl flips her hair, purses her lips. _"They better be."_

She leaves, and Hyde develops the film, only to find the pictures are- uh, _risqué._ 'For your eyes only' kinda stuff. And the girl knows how to pose, for sure, she's coy and bold at the same time, all honeyed skin and glittery multi-colored eyes and-

_Goddammit._

It's too late, now, Jackie's here, barging into Hyde's harmless little fantasy just like she barged into her life. She marches back up to the Foto Hut, and Hyde says to her, smirking, _"Nice pictures. They for Kelso?"_ but Jackie answers with that bold stare, and a smile, _"No, we broke up."_ Just like that, she's inside the hut, tracing her fingers up Hyde's arm. She whispers in Hyde's ear, _"Those pictures are for you, Sylvie."_

_"All for you."_

The scene changes, then, and they're in the El Camino, and there's a lot less talking by this point. Hyde pushes back against the shame that crowds the corners of her mind, tries to see only Jackie, splayed across the seat, naked and gorgeous, all in a disarray, panting and moaning Hyde's name so loud, because she's as loud in Hyde's fantasies as she is in real life.

And when Hyde brings her own release, in her dream it's actually Jackie's, all mixed-together pleasure in her head, like some kind of quantum entanglement. Hyde gasps for air, shuddering as she falls back down to earth, and then she rolls over and buries her face into her pillow, because _fuck._

It feels so good, until it doesn't. Then it just hurts.

The next morning, Hyde stumbles into the kitchen, and Forman hops into her line of vision, bursting at the seams with some fresh drama, bug-eyed and neurotic, as usual. 

"Do you know?"

Hyde pours herself a cup of coffee. "That you're obnoxious as hell in the morning? Yeah, I knew that."

"No, about Jackie and Kelso."

Hyde almost drops her mug. Did they really break up? Did her stupid fantasy predict the future?

"You missed it," Forman babbles on. "Kelso dropped the bomb in the basement yesterday."

"Out with it, Forman," Hyde snaps, but she can't help the wild, fervent hope, climbing up her throat. "What happened?"

He's fighting this schadenfreude smile, eyebrows arched all the way up his forehead. He pauses for dramatic effect, milking this for all it's worth, before he finally lets it out, launching the words like a harpoon into Hyde's chest.

"Jackie and Kelso got _engaged."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, okay - I'm really nervous to post this chapter (for, um, obvious reasons.....) so if you read and enjoyed it, a comment would mean the world to me! ♥︎


	5. favor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **timeline note:** In order to force the show’s whacked-out timeline into some semblance of sense, I’ve had to rework the break between Seasons 4 and 5. In this story, Donna and Kelso run away to California over winter break, instead of summer.
> 
> Also heads-up, this is kind of a long one! But I couldn't bear to cut any of it, so... just make sure you have a couple minutes before sitting down to read.

This is the lowest point of Jackie's life. Or at least, she really, really hopes so.

She gets engaged to Michael, and what does he do? He runs away. To freaking California. On the very first day of winter break. With _Donna._

Okay, to be fair, they probably weren't running away, like, as a couple. Donna has made some questionable choices- take most of her wardrobe, for example- but she wouldn't stoop as low as stealing Jackie's boyfriend. Not like she even could. 

For the past three days, Jackie has been drowning her sorrows in _Happy Days_ reruns, and fancy Belgian chocolate that her mother stowed away and forgot about. She's all alone in the house. Her mother extended her vacation, _again,_ and her dad is gone on business. Or something. 

The strangest thing, though, is that Jackie hasn't even cried yet. Not once. Michael left her, abandoned her, he took his promise of eternal love and smashed it to pieces on the ground. Then ran it over with his van, as he drove off. But Jackie feels... oddly hollow.

She hasn't seen any of the gang since it happened. The ones who are still here, that is. They'd probably just laugh at her, and Jackie doesn't think she could stand it.

She's hunched on the couch in the den, looking and feeling like a gargoyle, wrapped in a blanket, with Fluffycakes tucked up next to her.

The rerun that's playing right now is one of the _Happy Days_ Christmas Eve specials. Richie Cunningham and his dad stop by the auto shop, so Fonzie can fix their car. And Fonzie has been talking the whole episode about how he's going to spend Christmas with his cousin, who has a big house, and a big family, _"and the food they put out for Christmas Eve is not to be believed!"_

Then, as Richie and his dad are about to leave, Richie remembers he's got a present for Fonzie. But when he goes to give it to him, opening the door to the side room, he finds Fonzie settling in to spend Christmas Eve all alone. The Fonz, the ever-cool and popular Fonz, is all alone, spreading butter on a piece of bread. The story about his cousin was a lie. There's soupy music playing in the background.

That's when Jackie starts crying.

Not pretty little tears, tracing down her cheeks, like a girl in a movie. No, these are big, wet, ugly sobs, wracking her whole body, heaving up all the weight that's been clinging to her ribs. She's wailing like someone has died, over a _Happy Days_ character. She's really lost it.

She's sobbing so loud, she almost doesn't hear the phone ringing.

Jackie quiets down a little, still gasping for breath. But she doesn't move from the couch. She lets it ring out. It's probably just one of her dad's people, anyway.

She pulls Fluffycakes into her lap, and hugs him tightly, pressing her face into his squishy head. Her tears soak into his fur. She's wound down to sniffles, now, but her throat is still all clogged up.

The phone starts ringing again.

Two times in a row? Jackie lifts her head, and frowns. Weird. Then, it hits her. _Of course._ Who else could it be?

Jackie scrambles off the couch, and skids across the hardwood floors in her bunny-slippered feet, all the way to the phone. She snatches it up, and says, breathless, "Michael?"

There's a brief pause, and Jackie's heart teeters. 

"Uh, no,” the caller says flatly. "It's Hyde."

Jackie's heart plummets, then catches again. "Why are _you_ calling?" She swallows past her sticky throat. "I guess you wanna rub it in, that I got jilted at the altar?"

"What- no. Of course not." Hyde sounds offended. "And you were hardly 'jilted at the altar.' You didn't even have an engagement ring."

Another sob hiccups out of her. "Good job not rubbing it in," Jackie snaps, voice watery.

"Ah, shit, okay- I'm sorry. Sorry. That was- shit, I'm bad at this."

"Bad at what?" Jackie asks thickly, wiping her eyes.

Hyde lets out a static-y breath. "Nothing. I just. I just called to make sure you were okay."

Jackie is not. She is absolutely not okay.

She curls the corners of her mouth, to put a smile in her voice, and says, "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Jackie." Hyde's voice is a little bit stern, but gentle. "Don't take this the wrong way, but- you don't sound fine. You sound... like the opposite of fine."

Jackie twirls the phone cord around her finger, and doesn't say anything.

Hyde clears her throat. "Y'know, you've still got your favor."

Jackie narrows her eyes. "What favor?"

"Remember, when you went to detention for defending me? Huh, it's not like you to forget that someone owes you something." She puts on a condescending guidance-counselor voice. "Jackie, I find this very concerning."

Jackie giggles. How does Hyde do that? Make her laugh when there's nothing to laugh about? She tries to come up with a witty response, but she can't.

"Guess I haven't been myself, lately," she says, quiet.

"Well. If there's... anything I can do, just. Give me a call. Or not. Whatever." Hyde pauses. "Though if you do call, be prepared for Mrs. Forman to pick up. And once she gets you on the phone, you might as well pitch a tent, 'cause you're gonna be there a while."

Jackie laughs. Maybe just a bit harder than the joke warranted. She quiets again, and bites her lip. She can hear Hyde's breathing on the phone. She shuts her eyes.

"Jackie? You still there?"

"Yes. Um." Some strange urge grips her, and she stammers, "Can- can I come over?" Before Hyde can answer, she goes on, "I just realized, you're the only person I want to be with." 

Then she hears the way that sounded, and tacks on, "Right now.”

But just as she says "Right now," there's a weird clattering sound. Jackie winces. "... Sylvie?"

Rustling, and then comes Hyde's voice, "Sorry. I, uh. Dropped the phone." She sounds a little out of breath. "Didn't catch all of that."

 _Thank god._ Jackie makes her voice steady and clear. "I said, I just need someone to be with right now." There. Better.

"Oh," Hyde lets out. "I mean, right, that- that's what I thought you said."

"But I don't want a fuss," Jackie clarifies. "Plus it's late," she checks the clock, "yeah, it's after nine, so. Maybe you could- not tell the Formans I'm coming?"

"Sure," says Hyde. "I'll let you in the side door."

"Okay." Against all odds, Jackie finds a real smile stretching her cheeks. "Thanks for calling, Hyde."

"Sure. It's whatever."

It really isn't, though. Jackie hangs up, and dials the family driver, and her heart pounds with the force of just how not 'whatever' it is.

Their driver grumbles a little, because apparently it's snowing, which Jackie would've known if she'd looked out a window or even checked a weather report sometime in the past three days. Jackie promises him she won't be longer than 30 or 40 minutes, and that she'll bring him a really nice wheel of cheese from her job. He relents.

He drops her off at the end of the Forman's block, and it's not until he drives away that Jackie realizes: she left the house without even looking in a mirror. She just pulled on snow boots and a coat over her pyjamas, and dashed out, which would've been excusable only if there was a fire. She hasn't done her hair, or put on any makeup. She's probably still all puffy from crying. God, when was the last time she _showered?_

She's disgusting. Hyde cannot see her like this. 

But Jackie is stranded. She walks almost to the Forman's house, then stops, unable to take another step. She stands in the shadows between two streetlamps, with her hands fisted in her coat pockets, and tries very, very hard not to cry. Snowflakes swirl around her, the small, dry kind, and Jackie's breath makes clouds in the air. The temperature must be in the teens. Her ears are stinging.

"Jackie?"

She turns. Hyde is standing on the sidewalk about ten feet away, in front of the Forman's driveway. She's wearing a ratty Led Zeppelin t-shirt, and a pair of men's flannel pajama pants, so underdressed it makes Jackie shiver just to look at her. Her hair is up, twirled into a knot at the top of her head with a pencil, exposing her neck and ears to the cold.

"You wanna tell me why you're standing out here in the snow?"

"Because I'm disgusting," Jackie blurts.

Hyde blinks. Her brow knits. "What?"

"Never mind, I just- I can't." She shakes her head, jaw clenched. She's determined not to cry. Again.

"Come inside," Hyde says softly, almost pleading. "Or Red's gonna see us out here, and then I'll get in trouble."

Jackie shakes her head again, and turns away, so Hyde can't see her puffy, ugly face.

She hears muffled footsteps, as Hyde draws closer. "Mrs. Forman made hot cocoa and I saved mine for you. I put it by the radiator. So it's still warm."

Jackie almost turns around at this, because that is just so _sweet._ But she doesn't.

"Okay," Hyde sighs, and stops next to her. She folds her arms, looks up and down the street. "Guess we're just gonna stand out here until we freeze."

Jackie screws her mouth up tight. "Fine," she lets out, in a huff. "I'll come in. But only if you promise to forget what I look like right now. Just wipe it from your memory, after I leave."

"Sure." Hyde gives her a wry smile. "I'll take my miracle 'Forget-Jackie-Burkhart' pills. They work like a charm, every time."

Jackie frowns. "Don't forget _me._ Just- my face. In its current state."

"Jackie," Hyde laughs, a little bit exasperated. "I promise you, your face is fine. Just come inside. Please?"

Jackie hesitates. After a brief deliberation, she smiles at Hyde, and it feels like a small and terrifying step towards something.

She follows Hyde into the basement.

It's weird. 

Usually, Jackie can't shut up. Especially around Hyde, who spreads silence like a picnic blanket for Jackie to cover with her opinions on a wide menu of subjects, and interjects only to start a debate, or make some dry aside. 

But right now, as Hyde takes her coat, Jackie is silent. She feels like she's been plopped into a movie where she doesn't know what character she's playing, much less the script.

She doesn't know where to start, anyway. Hyde probably doesn't want to hear her whine about Michael. Come to think, Jackie doesn't even want to hear herself whine about Michael. In fact, she wants to pretend Michael doesn't exist. That nothing else exists, outside of this basement, where Hyde is standing so close and giving her a hesitant, lopsided smile.

"Jackie?" Hyde waves a hand in front of Jackie's face. "Earth to Jackie..."

Jackie blinks. "What?" she asks dazedly.

"Geez." Hyde lifts her eyebrows, with a grimace. "Kelso really did a number on you, huh." She shakes her head, and mutters, "When that moron comes back, he's gonna get a welcome-home ass-kicking."

Jackie cocks her head. "You're not on his side?"

Hyde makes her classic _'the hell...?'_ face. "'Course I'm not on Kelso's side." She adds firmly, "I'm not on any side, 'cause I stay out of other people's business." She pauses. "But, y'know. If I had to pick a side, it would be yours."

"But... you and Michael are friends." And have been for a lot longer than Jackie has known either of them.

Hyde scoffs. "Kelso and me are friends by happenstance, not by choice. There's a difference."

Jackie goes quiet. She wonders which one she is.

"Um, so. Do you want the hot cocoa, or..."

Jackie smiles. "Okay."

"Okay," says Hyde. Good grief, this is awkward. "It's just in my room, so- I'll go get it."

"I've never been in your room before," says Jackie, suddenly curious. She follows Hyde back, and stops in the doorway. "This is it?" She crinkles her nose in distaste. "Ew. It's full of junk."

Hyde chuckles softly. "There she is."

"Seriously, this room needs help." Jackie walks in, and stands in the center, looking around. She claps her hands together. "I could be your decorator! Oh, I bet I could make it real cute."

Jackie expects to hear protests, but Hyde is still just smiling at her, looking like she's worlds away. She shakes herself, and the smile drops. She retrieves a mug from the little ledge next to the radiator, and brings it across the room, to Jackie, delivering it carefully into Jackie's hands.

Their fingers brush, skin still a little chilled from outside. Jackie pulls in a sharp, shallow breath.

 _Oh, no._ Her stomach is doing The Thing. The Thing it used to do back when she first started dating Michael. 

It's almost identical to the feeling she gets when she's launched in the air for a basket toss in cheer. She's always been a flyer, as she's the smallest on the team, and she loves it, loves that weightlessness, the way danger sweetly sharpens all her senses, yet cradled underneath by her teammates, and her absolute trust in them.

Right now, she's knows she's standing still, but she's staring up into Hyde's lovely blue eyes, and Jackie feels like she's spinning.

"Thanks," she says quietly.

It breaks the spell, and Hyde looks away. She goes over and sits on the cot, leaning back on her hands.

"Alright. When Donna broke up with Forman, she vented about him to me for a good couple hours," says Hyde. She gestures. "So. Let the Great Kelso Burn of '77 begin."

It's a tempting invitation. Jackie opens her mouth, then closes it. "You know what?" And the words come to her right as she realizes they're true, "I'm not even mad at him."

Hyde's eyes widen. "Are you serious." She sounds disappointed. 

Jackie comes over, and sits down next to Hyde on the bed, albeit a safe distance away. She cups the mug of cocoa in both hands, stares into the middle of the room. 

"It's kinda funny. I was always getting him to do stuff for me. But I've spent so much energy on Michael, y'know?" Tears spring to her eyes. They're not really for him, Jackie realizes. They're for herself. "So much," she repeats, voice flickering. "So much thinking and planning and worrying and, yeah, bossing him around. And I'm just... tired. God, I'm so tired of him."

Hyde stares at her, with a vaguely blank look of surprise, before her mouth quirks. "So... no Great Kelso Burn?"

Jackie shakes her head. "No Great Kelso Burn."

Hyde snaps her fingers. "Damn. I printed t-shirts and everything."

Jackie giggles, and Hyde grins, a real, warm grin, taking up her whole face. Jackie bites her lip, as she gets an idea. "So instead of burning Michael... I wanna hear _your_ terrible boy stories."

Hyde huffs out a laugh. "My terrible boy stories, huh? Lemme think... yeah, that would be all of them," she says dryly. 

"So? Go on." Jackie takes a sip of her hot cocoa. It is still warm.

Hyde purses her lips, thinking. "Okay." She smiles. "Yeah, I got a good one. My first kiss. 7th grade, Peter Petrovic."

Jackie's mouth drops open. "Your first kiss was Peter _Petrovic?_ But- he's a nerd! He's on the chess team!"

"Hey, this was a long time ago, alright? And I wasn't exactly winning any popularity contests back then, either." Hyde spreads out her hands, as she sets the scene. "So. 7th grade, he asks me to the Fall Dance. And I don't really wanna go, but I say yes, 'cause it seems like every other girl in the whole grade has a date except for me. And Rhonda. Anyway. We go to the dance, and afterward he takes me home, on his bicycle-"

Jackie starts laughing.

"Wait, wait, we're not to the good part yet." Hyde holds back her own laughter, as she goes on. "So we say goodbye, and I'm all, 'it was real, see you later, man,' but he takes my hand, and he's got this- determined look in his eyes. He pushes up his glasses," Hyde mimes, getting into character, even Peter's nasally voice, "and he goes, 'Sylvia, I'm going to kiss you, now.'"

Jackie is laughing so hard, she has to set the hot cocoa down on the floor.

"Oh, just wait, it gets better. So he's real serious about this, right? Like it's a business transaction. And I think, 'damn, okay, this is serious.' So when Peter leans in, I just-" Hyde smacks her hands together. _"Go_ for it. I'm talking full-on, face-smash collision, here. I went in with _tongue."_

"Why?" Jackie asks through her laughter.

"I don't know!" Hyde throws out her hands, and she's laughing, too. "I guess I thought, 'okay, this is it, my first kiss, the thing that everyone's always talking about.' I felt like I had to- I dunno. Make it count. Just- force it to be good."

"What did Peter do?"

Hyde chuckles. "Poor kid. He didn't have much of a chance to do anything, before I tore my lip open on his braces."

"Oh." Jackie claps her hands over her mouth. _"No,"_ she giggles between her fingers, horrified.

"Oh, yes." Hyde nods, with a grim smile. "Blood. Everywhere. In my mouth. In his mouth. On my dress."

"Oh my god." Jackie is shaking, weak with laughter.

"The best part, though? I never even apologized. I just- well, I cussed a streak, 'cause man, it hurt. And then I raced inside my house." She finishes, nodding solemnly, "To this day, we have never spoken another word to each other."

Jackie flops onto her back on the cot, still giggling. "God, that really does make me feel better about my life. What a horror story."

"The stuff of my nightmares. And Peter's, probably." Hyde half-turns on the bed, to gaze down at Jackie.

Something about their positions reminds Jackie of her weird daydreams about Hyde. She flushes hot with guilt, plus... something else.

But instead of pushing it away, she lets it fill her, send sparks down her limbs. She smirks up at Hyde. "I have never had a kiss _that_ bad. I guess for some people it just comes naturally."

Hyde lifts an eyebrow. "Oh, I got plenty of natural talent when it comes to kissing. With Peter it was just... misdirected."

Jackie finds herself looking at Hyde’s mouth. "Well, _my_ first kiss was textbook."

"Oh, yeah?" Hyde quips, before her face shifts, smile flickering. She drops her eyes. "Who was your first kiss?" she asks without looking up. Weirdly casual. It's weird, because Hyde never asks questions like that.

Jackie narrows her eyes. For some reason, this is tugging at a memory in her mind. Talking about first kisses with Hyde. But it's not quite coming.

"My first kiss was Johnny Marten, in 6th grade," Jackie says easily. "He was my first crush, too, and he liked me back. Duh. All the boys liked me. But then Johnny's family had to move away, so. Our love was not to be."

Hyde looks at Jackie, as if on the edge of saying something. In the end, she cracks a smirk. "Well, of course he had to move away. How else could he escape your clutches?"

Jackie gives Hyde a playful smack on the arm. "Mean," she scolds her.

Their conversation falls into a natural rhythm after that. Since nothing can be worse than Hyde's bloody make-out with Peter Petrovic, Jackie generously shares a few of her own awkward stories. Most of them involve Michael. He was her first, and so far only, boyfriend, after all.

Talking about him makes Jackie feel more and more sure that he's in the past tense for her, now. Not like he's dead, just that- well, maybe him running away from their admittedly hasty marriage was the best thing that could have happened. Plus, the logic that led her to suggest it in the first place was... questionable, to say the least. 

Jackie bets the only reason she's been having all those strange fantasies about Hyde was because she wanted to be friends with her. And now, sitting on Hyde's cot, talking and laughing together, it seems like they really are. 

So. Problem solved.

By the time Jackie thinks to check the clock, it's well past eleven. Oops. So much for calling her driver after 40 minutes. Hyde suggests that Jackie stay the night, as the Formans won't mind. Hyde insists that Jackie take the cot, and Hyde will take the couch, out in the basement. Jackie doesn't argue.

She sleeps better that night than she has in weeks.

The next morning, they sit at the Forman's kitchen table, eating the breakfast that Kitty very kindly left on hot plates for them, in consideration of teenage winter-break sleep schedules. Red wanders through to get more coffee, and when he sees Jackie, grumbles something to the tune of _"too many damn kids in my house."_

Eric had come down early to get a clean shirt from the laundry in the basement, and found Hyde on the couch. He seems to think there's something remarkable about the whole thing. 

“Okay, first of all, since when are you two friends? You hate each other."

"No, we don't," Hyde and Jackie both say at the same time, in the exact same tone. They look at each other, then down at their breakfasts.

"Uh huh. If you're such good friends, then why did you sleep on the couch, Hyde? Girls share beds." Eric points a finger, like he's caught them out.

Hyde shrugs. “Yeah, but my cot is tiny. We woulda been on top of each other.” Her voice is cool, but a blush is rising in her cheeks.

“Oh, cease your naughty talk.” Eric smirks.

Hyde gives him her best _'drop dead, Forman'_ glare, then takes a keen interest in her scrambled eggs. Jackie can't help but notice her face is a brilliant crimson.

Hm. Jackie chews her eggs thoughtfully. _Interesting._


	6. different

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **tw:** accidental outing (kind of), coming out w/ positive outcome

It starts with a blanket.

"Jackie, I told you- I don't need this."

"Your room gets cold at night, I know because I slept here that one time, remember? Don't argue with me. You'll lose."

"That sounds like a challenge."

Jackie spreads the blanket over Hyde's cot. Hyde whisks it off again, hands it back. Jackie's mouth pinches in determination. She slowly lays the blanket on the cot, one more time, without breaking eye contact. She keeps her hands on it, then lets go, and steps back.

Hyde holds Jackie's gaze. She snatches the blanket away again.

"Syl- _vie!"_

"Why'd you bring this all the way over? If I needed another blanket, I'd just ask Mrs. Forman."

"Does Mrs. Forman have an authentic alpaca-wool knit throw that was handmade in Peru?"

"Prob’ly not. But I bet she'd love one." Hyde makes to take the blanket upstairs. 

Jackie grabs onto one corner, and plants her heels. "You are not giving my blanket away, Sylvia," she growls.

"I thought it was _my_ blanket?"

"Only if you're the one using it!"

The Blanket Stand-Off is the first of many. Jackie just keeps bringing Hyde things. Or conveniently 'forgetting' things in Hyde's room. Things she has no use for. A scarf. Does Hyde look like she'd ever wear a scarf? A globe from Mr. Burkhart’s study. A pair of throw pillows. A _radio._

Hyde starts to wonder if Kelso knocked Jackie up, before he ditched her and ran off to California. 'Cause this is nesting behavior. And Jackie has arbitrarily chosen Hyde’s room as her freakin' nest.

But when Hyde tries to confront her, and put a stop to it, she's all denial. _"I don't know what you're talking about, Sylvie. C'mon, let's go to the mall."_

Oh, yeah. Shopping. That's a thing they do now, too. Sometimes at the mall. Sometimes they just wander around the grocery store, and pick out the weirdest stuff they can find, and try to invent recipes on the spot.

Over the course of winter break, they’ve fallen into a routine. Jackie comes over in the morning, and they walk to the garage where Leo lets Hyde store the El Camino, and then they just go. Nowhere and everywhere. Talking about nothing and everything.

And it aches, sure. Of course it does. When Jackie sings along to the radio horribly off-key, when she gets excited about something and throws her arms around Hyde, and Hyde wants to hug her back so bad, but she _can't._ When Jackie insists on holding hands and they walk along with their fingers intertwined.

When Jackie smiles. Especially when she smiles.

But Hyde knows the ache will fade, eventually. Just like it did with Donna. So she stays cool, and keeps her distance, and she's okay.

Or she will be.

Hyde also knows that Jackie's only latching onto her because of the whole thing with Kelso. At least she did officially break up with him, though. Via letter. _"Bold of you to assume Kelso can read,"_ Hyde had said. Jackie shot back without missing a beat, _"One of his California sluts can read it aloud to him. That way she'll know what she's in for."_

Yep. Jackie's recovering well.

Meanwhile, Forman has been in a world of hurt all his own, without Donna. So Hyde decides to help him out. Or help him help himself. 

It's a team effort; Fez is look-out while Hyde sneaks Forman’s stash of money out of the Scooby Doo thermos, and then Jackie calls up her parents' travel agent to book a one-way flight to California. This is assuming Eric will be able to convince Donna to come home, pluck Kelso out of the tanned arms of his rebound-of-choice, and drive all three back to Wisconsin in Kelso's van. 

Miraculously, he pulls it off, and then everyone is back in the basement again. Donna and Forman are back together. Hyde half-expects, half-dreads that Jackie and Kelso will boomerang into each other, too. But Jackie holds her ground.

So. Everything's back to normal, and yet... nothing is the same.

One day after school, the first week of spring semester, Hyde, Jackie and Donna are seated in a circle on the floor of Donna's room, swathed in a cloud of smoke.

"Gee, why haven't we done this sooner?" Donna muses. "Just us three girls, I mean."

"You were in California," Jackie points out.

"I mean, before that. We've always done the circle in the basement, with the guys."

Hyde shrugs. "The basement's tradition, man." She smiles at Donna and Jackie. "But I'm thinkin' this should be a tradition, too."

"I'll smoke to that," says Donna.

After they pass it around again, Jackie says, "So. Tell us more about California."

"Eh, it was kinda boring. And it didn't feel like the holidays, y'know? 'Cause it was so warm. But it was nice to see my mom. We talked. She's really into crystal healing now." Donna perks up. "Oh, yeah, I brought some for you guys."

She retrieves a little shopping bag from her desk, and gives Hyde and Jackie a sparkly hunk of crystal each.

"Ooh, pretty," coos Jackie.

Hyde cups the crystal in her palm. "Mm, yeah, I feel better already." She pauses, then grins. "Oh wait, that's the weed."

Donna flaps a hand at her. "Oh, oh, Hyde- I met this group of skater girls?" She bites her lip. "Man, they were so hot. You would've been in heaven."

Silence.

"Shit. I mean- shit." Donna claps a hand over her mouth, then drops it, stammering, "I mean- hot, as in, _cool,_ like. You would've really wanted to... ride skateboards with them."

Hyde is at that state where everything seems funny. Donna accidentally outing her to Jackie? By talking about hot skater girls? Fuckin' hilarious. She bursts into high-pitched giggles, stretched taut over an undercurrent of nerves.

Jackie tilts her head, brow furrowed. "Um... what?"

"Oh, God, Hyde," Donna moans, pressing her hands to her cheeks. "I'm so sorry. Are you mad at me? Please don't be mad."

Hyde pats her on the shoulder. "Hey, I can't be mad right now. Maybe later I will be." She thinks. "But probably not."

"Mad about what? I am so confused." Jackie frowns, and smacks the carpet. "Someone explain what is going on!"

Hyde swallows. And she thinks, _what the hell._ It has to happen at some point. "Donna, could you... give us a minute?"

"Yeah, yeah, of course. I'll just go- avoid my dad and Joanne. They were making jam earlier and for some reason it puts them in the mood." She shudders, before she gets up and slinks out of the room.

Hyde turns. "Okay, so. Um." She stares into Jackie's face. Her tongue feels like a bark chip in her mouth, and her mind is blank. "Huh, I guess there are pros and cons to doing this high," she babbles, stalling. "Pro, I don't really give a damn about anything right now. Con, I have no idea how to say it."

"Say what?"

So Hyde just says it. "I'm a lesbian."

Jackie's mouth drops open in a perfect 'o.' She blinks.

Somewhere deep inside her, Hyde's fight-or-flight response kicks in. It struggles to break through her buzz, making her feel like her heart is vibrating at a strange pitch. Silence pours into her ears and hardens like cement. So she talks.

"I'm not really out. The only other person I've told is Donna. I'm gonna tell Forman soon, I just- man, he's such an idiot, I'm worried he'll say somethin' stupid and then I'll have to be mad at him."

"Wait." Jackie holds up a hand. Her words come slow, halting. "You’ve... been a lesbian... this whole time?"

"Nah, only on Thursdays," Hyde deadpans. Jackie looks even more baffled. Hyde bursts, laughing, "Yes, this whole time!"

"But- I thought... lesbians and gay people all lived in big cool cities. Y'know, like New York." She pauses, and hedges, "Or maybe Milwaukee."

Hyde chuckles. "Nope, we're everywhere. Even suburban shitholes like Point Place."

Jackie purses her lips. "So. You're into girls." Her tone is more curious than disapproving.

Hyde nods slowly. "That's kinda the whole idea. Yeah."

Jackie blinks those big doll eyes again, before she smiles, and says dreamily, “Are you about to confess your irrepressible desire for me?” 

Hyde’s heart stops. “What- _no.”_

Jackie puts a hand on her chest in sincerity. “Because if so, I’m flattered, but-”

“Jackie, for chrissakes." Hyde laughs, but it's too stiff to be real, and stops as soon as it starts. "Get over yourself. Jesus.”

 _Flattered._ Hell. Of course she would be.

“Hyde, I’m just kidding!” Jackie lets out a silly, girly giggle, and shoves Hyde’s arm.

Hyde frowns. This is seriously harshing her mellow, man. 

Donna pokes her head around the door. “Can I come back in?” she stage-whispers. “My dad and Joanne are trying to get me to taste their jam. But I'm pretty sure my dad was shirtless when they made it, so. I'd sooner eat gravel.”

Hyde waves her in, and Donna plops back down in her spot, restoring the circle. 

“So?" She beetles her eyes between Hyde and Jackie. "How’d it go?”

Jackie is looking down at her hands thoughtfully. She lifts her head, a light dawning in her eyes, and breaks into a grin. Hyde and Donna look at her, expectant.

“Fingers are, like, really long toes. On your hands,” she breathes, reverent.

Hyde turns to Donna, and smiles. “Yeah. It went well.”

“Cool,” says Donna. “Well. While we’re on the subject... Or should I say, _bi_ the way.” She chuckles to herself. “That was a good one. Anyway.” Donna turns serious, clapping her hands on her thighs. “I’m bi. As in bisexual. As in, guys are hot, but so are girls, and other people.”

Hyde watches Jackie’s face. She’s frozen, eyes big, staring at Donna in bewilderment.

“Bisexual?” she murmurs.

“Yeah.” Donna lifts a hand, and clarifies, “I’m still with Eric. Happily. But yeah, I’m bi.”

Gears are churning behind Jackie’s eyes. “You like guys... _and_ girls?”

“And people who are neither, or both. Neither/both is a thing.”

“Oh,” says Jackie. Light dawns again, but it’s soft and deep, and her smile is a little bit frightened. “That’s like me,” she says, quiet.

Hyde grins. She lets out a breath that’s kind of a laugh, kind of a release. _Finally._ Hyde had almost given up hope. She feels like a sentimental sap, but she can't help that her throat tightens as she grins at Jackie, flushed with pride and relief.

Donna’s mouth gapes open, then she breaks into a grin, too.

 _”What?_ Jackie, are you serious? That’s awesome! Oh my god, I’m so proud of you! C’mere.” She launches herself at Jackie, almost toppling the smaller girl to the floor, before she scoops her into a hug.

“Ugh, get your big Sasquatch body off me,” Jackie protests, but joy seeps through her voice.

Once Donna releases her, Hyde reaches over and claps a hand onto Jackie's shoulder, grinning so wide her face hurts. “Welcome to the club, man.”

Donna chants, pounding her fists lightly in the air, “One of us, one of us, one of us.”

"I'm bisexual," Jackie whispers to herself. She lifts her eyes. "I don't... Um. No one else can know this, alright?"

"Relax, we're cool," says Donna. "What happens in this room, stays in this room. Except for embarrassing things that Eric does when we have sex. 'Cause that's just too funny not to share."

Hyde snickers. "Have you told Jackie about the plastic lightsaber?"

"Ew!" Jackie squeals, wringing her hands. She seems grateful for the change of subject, and says emphatically, "God, that is so unsanitary."

"He wasn't using it like _that,_ it was just role-playing." Donna makes a face. "It was pretty bad, though. I’ve finally convinced him to chill it out with the Star Wars stuff, ever since I got my Catholic school uniform. That plaid pleated skirt is a powerful thing."

"I don't understand why the guys like it so much." Jackie raises her eyebrows, with a scoff. "It isn't even that cute."

Donna shows her palms. "Hey, I don't get it either."

"It's conditioning," says Hyde simply. "They all read that Playboy stuff, with the 'sexy schoolgirl' layouts, so they subconsciously associate the outfit with sex." She's basing her theory off the couple times she's tried looking through Forman's magazines. They don't do it for her, at all. She flips through and all she can think is, _where is their body hair?_

Donna tips Hyde a look. "So you don't find the uniform sexy, then."

Hyde is silent. She bites her lip. 

"Hah! You are not immune." Donna throws her head back, tossing her hair. "I am all-powerful. Muahaha."

"Alright, alright." Hyde smirks. "Don't let it go to your head."

"Yeah, Donna. Let's not forget who's the hottest person here." Jackie taps a hand to her chest, with a smile. "Me."

Hyde and Donna both roll their eyes. And just like that, everything's back to normal. Hyde smiles to herself, relieved.

But in the back of her smoke-saturated mind... there's a nagging, persistent doubt. The only times Jackie has come close to admitting, or actually admitted, that she's bi have been when she's drunk or high. The real test will come tomorrow.

Hyde brushes the thought aside, which isn't too hard in her current state, and enjoys the moment while it lasts.


	7. undone

Jackie is standing in front of her closet, having a full-on crisis.

It's been fifteen minutes since she got out of the shower, and she still can't decide what to wear.

She bites her knuckles, and taps her foot. Her stomach is unsettled, her mind scattered, like feathers ripped from a down pillow, fluttering through the air. Yesterday afternoon sits heavy in her, with the fuzzy yet unmistakable memory of the words that left her mouth.

_"I'm bisexual."_

What on earth was she thinking?

She's heard the word before, sure. In the news, when they talk about pride parades and Gay Liberation or whatever. But she barely knows what it means.

All Jackie knows is the way she felt, when Donna explained it. Like she'd been tipped over, and everything inside had spilled out onto the floor. And now, the next morning, she's different: her insides are all rearranged, and there are some pieces missing, and some she doesn't recognize.

Her clothes stare back at her. Mocking. 

Jackie purses her lips, and inhales deep through her nose. Finally, she picks a no-nonsense black cashmere sweater, and a grey wool pencil skirt. The most boring outfit she could possibly imagine. An outfit someone sensible would wear, someone who doesn't go around making wild and unfounded declarations about her sexuality.

She probably only said it because Hyde and Donna did, first. 

For some reason, their coming-outs seem so much more... plausible, than Jackie's. Donna has always come off as a bit unusual. Marching to the beat of her own drummer. Plus, she wears a lot of flannel. Really, Jackie should have known.

And Hyde.

Oh. Hyde should have been _so_ obvious. But somehow it made her harder to see. The truth is, Jackie doesn't see Hyde very clearly. In both a figurative and literal sense. Whenever Jackie looks at Hyde, it's as if she’s looking through a filter, one that softens Hyde's edges, surrounds her with a glow. 

Jackie hesitates in front of her dresser, before pulling out a cherry-red silk scarf from the top drawer. She ties it around her neck. Then she applies crimson-tinted lip gloss, and clips a red barrette in her hair.

Even the most boring outfit needs a pop of color.

She nods at her reflection, satisfied. Internally, she may be a disaster, but externally, she looks perfect.

Jackie arrives at Point Place High and sees Hyde outside the front doors, chatting with the other burnouts she sometimes hangs out with at school. She turns and sees Jackie, and flashes a grin, before her face cools again. She comes over.

"Hi!" chirps Jackie. A little too loudly, a little too bright. 

"Hey." Under her bulky denim jacket, Hyde's wearing a button-down shirt, tied up in a knot above the waist of her jeans, leaving a slender margin of skin visible. She hooks her thumbs in her pockets, and smiles down at Jackie. "Nice scarf."

Jackie can't tell if this is sarcastic. It's hard to tell with Hyde, sometimes. "Thank you." Jackie fiddles with the ends of the scarf, and looks away. Suddenly, the silence is unbearable, and she blurts, "So, what was in that stuff you gave us yesterday?" She lets out a tight laugh. "I can't remember a single thing we talked about."

Hyde's face falls. Her shoulders sink, and she drops her gaze.

Jackie gulps. "What's wrong?"

"Nothin'." Hyde tips her head toward the entrance to the school. "I'm gonna head inside." She turns, and starts to walk away.

"Wait-" Jackie hurries to catch up with her. "Are you mad at me?" She searches Hyde's face for clues.

Hyde gives nothing away, as usual. Eyes cool and distant behind her sunglasses. "'Course I'm not mad at you," she says. "Why would I be?"

She truly doesn't sound mad. She just sounds tired.

"Because-" Jackie wishes Hyde would stop walking, and look at her. She reaches out and tugs at Hyde's sleeve, pulling them to a stop. Hyde turns, brow lifting just a fraction. Jackie takes in a breath. "Because I don't remember."

Hyde gives her a steady look, one that probes to the very depths of Jackie's soul. She knows. Knows that Jackie _does,_ in fact, remember. But she isn't going to say it. 

"'S okay." There's something so patient and... sad, in the set of her mouth. "I figured you wouldn't." She turns away.

"Sylvie?"

She turns back around. 

"I'm sorry," says Jackie, twisting the strap of her schoolbag in her hands. She's not even sure what she's apologizing for. 

"Really, Jackie, it's okay." Hyde's voice is gentle, a soft thread of sound under the din of the morning. She offers a grimace-smile. "I get it."

Jackie isn't convinced. She needs to fix this, to settle the uncertainty in her stomach. "You should come over to my house after school." She tries for her usual self-assured tone.

"Sure," says Hyde, before she turns and vanishes into the crowd at the front doors.

The whole day, Jackie is a mess of nerves. She can't focus in any of her classes. She sits with her cheerleading squad at lunch, and avoids all the places she knows Hyde and Donna might be, feeling like a coward. It's not that she's afraid of them, or of what they might say. It's just- well, she's embarrassed. And there's really nothing Jackie hates more than being embarrassed.

When school gets out, Jackie's driver takes her and Hyde home, and Jackie expects the nervousness to slacken its grip, a little. But it only gets worse. She and Hyde have never hung out at Jackie's house alone before. The only time Hyde's ever been here was for that party Jackie threw last year.

This isn't just hanging out, either. After what happened yesterday, this is something else.

Jackie anxiously plays hostess, even though it's just Hyde. She offers food, soda, alcohol, all of which Hyde declines. Finally there's nothing else for it but to go up to Jackie's room.

"Wow." Hyde looks around, a smile playing on her lips, as she shrugs off her jacket, and removes her sunglasses. "Your room is very... 'Jackie.'"

"Is that a good thing?" Jackie asks, then frowns to herself. That sounded so insecure. What is wrong with her?

"It's a whole lotta pink." Hyde goes over to the bed, and picks up Fluffycakes. Jackie used to have a whole mountain of stuffed animals on her bed, but she put them all in storage this past summer. All except Fluffycakes. Hyde holds the unicorn up to her chin, and tips Jackie a smirk from under her eyelashes. 

_Oh,_ that smirk. It makes Jackie's stomach do The Thing. "Don't you patronize Fluffycakes," she scolds.

Hyde laughs. _"Fluffycakes?"_

"Yes. And he does not appreciate your tone." Jackie snatches the unicorn out of Hyde's hands, giving her a look, before she returns him to his rightful position on the bed. "So." She crosses the room, to mindlessly rearrange stuff on her shelves, for something to do. "What did we talk about yesterday, anyway?"

“Jackie.” Hyde sounds pained. “I’m not doin’ this with you.”

Jackie snaps her head over, stunned. “Doing what?”

Hyde is silent.

“I… Um.” Jackie takes a deep breath. “I think- I just need someone to tell me. Just, say it out loud to me. ‘Jackie, you’re…’” She gestures, to fill in the blank.

Hyde shakes her head. “No one can tell you the answer, man. It’s not a math test. You gotta figure it out yourself.”

Jackie swallows, and looks down at the carpet. “Okay.” She looks back up. “How did you?”

Hyde’s eyes get big. “Come again?”

“How did you figure it out?”

She makes a face. “No. I’m not- no. This isn’t about me.”

“Please, Sylvie?” Jackie begs, deploying her best puppy eyes.

Hyde stares at Jackie, mouth pressed into a line. At last, she lets out a heavy sigh. “Dammit. Fine.” She sits down on the floor, and Jackie joins her. Hyde rubs her knuckles over the carpet, as she talks. 

“Well. Uh.” She clears her throat. “I guess my first big clue was my crush on Donna.”

Jackie gasps. The world has just been swung upside-down, and she has to grip the carpet, to keep from falling off. “You have a crush on _Donna?”_

“Had,” Hyde corrects. “I _had_ a crush on Donna.”

"Oh." Jackie relaxes, a little. “Does she know?”

“No, and she’s never gonna.” A warning edges Hyde’s words. “Anyway, I’m over it, and have been for a long time. But for a while there- yeah, I was sorta into her.”

Translating Hyde’s typical understatement, this means: ‘head over heels in love.’ Jackie can’t help it. She flushes with jealousy, plus a stinging disappointment.

If Hyde likes girls like Donna: tall, curvy, lumberjack-ish... then she would _never_ be into Jackie.

“And there were a lot of other things. Things, like- I dunno, man.” Hyde lets out a breath. “You should really be asking Donna about this, ‘cause it’s different for you guys.”

“But I’m asking you.”

Hyde blushes. She stares at the floor, unable to meet Jackie’s eyes. “It’s just- a lot of what helped me work it out was all the stuff I didn’t feel for boys. But, um. Also… noticing girls, I guess? Like, being attuned to them, the way they move, the way they, uh. Talk. And feeling like a creep in the locker room but you don’t even know why.”

 _Oh my god._ Jackie can’t breathe.

“What else? Um. Getting kinda pissed off by dances and ‘prince and princess’ stuff for no reason. Or, I guess, going into it with this grim determination, that if you just ‘do it right’ then it’ll be fun.”

Jackie does like dances. At least, she likes winning the titles: Snow Queen, Homecoming Queen... but truth told, something has always bothered her about the whole thing, too. A deep, unnameable itch.

“It’s not all negative, though.” Hyde shrugs. “Like- I dunno, I’ll be having a bad day and then I remember, wow. Girls are so awesome. And just like that, everything is a thousand times better.” She winces. “That sounded really stupid out loud, didn’t it.”

“No.” Jackie shakes her head. Her heart is pounding in her throat. “It didn’t sound stupid at all.”

Finally, _finally,_ Hyde lifts her eyes from the carpet, to meet Jackie’s. She gives her a crooked smile. “And one more thing? I'd imagine most straight girls don’t agonize over whether or not they might be gay. Just puttin' that out there.”

“Well.” Jackie gets up and goes over to her bed. She grabs one of her flower power pillows, and hugs it to her chest. “I guess… I have a lot to think about,” she says lamely.

“Yeah. Sure.” Hyde gets to her feet, and picks up her jacket. She motions toward the door. “I’ll just, uh-”

Jackie blurts without thinking, “Don’t leave.”

Hyde frowns. “You said you needed to think.”

“Um…” Jackie bites her lip. Her eyes drop to Hyde’s mouth.

 _Holy crap._ This is not a drill. She _is_ bisexual, and right at this moment, she wants to kiss Hyde.

Maybe she's wanted it for much longer than she knew. Everything she's felt for Hyde these past few months crashes up the sides of her: the fantasies, the flying feeling in her stomach, the _noticing,_ noticing everything there is to notice about Hyde, and wanting to be close to her, and hugging her in the hopes that she might hug Jackie back. But she never does.

Because Hyde likes girls like Donna. Therefore, she will never, ever want to kiss Jackie.

An idea occurs to her. It's a crazy idea, but. This might be her only chance. 

Jackie speaks through a dry throat, tongue heavy and awkward in her mouth, “Maybe there’s something else you can do, to help me figure it out.”

Hyde lifts an eyebrow. “Like what?”

Jackie realizes she’s still clutching the pillow, and she sets it down. Slowly, carefully, she crosses the room, to stand in front of Hyde. 

She takes a shaky breath. “Maybe I could- try it. With you. Kissing.”

The second the words leave her mouth, Jackie is struck by their apocalyptic weight. All the air is crushed out of the room. Just like that, there's nothing left to breathe. 

Hyde's face goes hard and still. _Oh, no._ Jackie would do anything, anything, to take it back. But she can't.

"What the fuck," Hyde says bitterly.

“Sylvie...“ Jackie reaches out to her.

“Don’t.” She swats Jackie’s hands away, and scoffs. A harsh, razor-lined sound. “I can’t believe this. Actually, y’know what? I can."

Jackie's eyes fill with tears. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"I ain’t your goddamn ‘trial run,’ okay?" Hyde's jaw is set, chipping off words like granite. "So forget it.”

Jackie can't speak. Her throat is choked with words- _I just wanted to kiss you, I didn't mean to hurt you, I never want to hurt you-_ but they can't find their way out. She can only shake her head.

Hyde shrugs her jacket on, her every motion an indictment. "You're one twisted piece of work," she spits. "And trust me, after the shit I dealt with growin' up, I know from twisted."

"That's enough," Jackie snaps. Anger rushes through her, heat spilling into her voice. "You're overreacting, Hyde. It was just a stupid mistake-"

"No. The mistake was mine." Hyde's voice is warm, too, so far from her usual Zen monotone that it almost sounds like someone else. "I never should've made friends with you, Jackie. 'Cause you don't have friends, do you. You have support staff."

"Please, stop." It's taking all Jackie has not to burst into tears. But she won't give Hyde the satisfaction. "Stop."

Hyde nods, lip curled in disgust. "Yeah. I'm done." She puts a hand on the doorknob, and stops. Her voice comes apart at the edges, as she tacks on, "And so are we."

She leaves.

Leaves those last words poisoning the air, searing Jackie's throat when she breathes in. The door shuts with a soft and terrible click. Somehow, it would've been better if Hyde had slammed it.

Jackie stands frozen, quivering, lips pressed tight together. She holds her breath. She waits until Hyde's footsteps fade down the staircase.

Only when she's truly gone, does Jackie let the sobs come, and swallow her whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it looks bleak.... just hold onto that 'Angst with a Happy Ending' tag! They'll get there, promise. ♥︎


	8. letter

"How long has she been like this?" Donna's voice drifts over Hyde's head, soft with concern.

"Since Thursday afternoon," says Forman gravely.

"It's Sunday!"

"Yeah," he sighs. Hyde's got one arm flung over her eyes, but she can hear the expression on his face. All solemn, mouth tight. "She's only left her room to eat. Sometimes not even then."

"Hmm. Have you tried coaxing her out with Bruce Springsteen tickets?" suggests Fez.

"You have Springsteen tickets?"

"No, that's the whole ruse! Psh, Eric, try to keep up."

"Wait a second... Is that the _country music_ station playing on her radio?" Donna sounds horrified.

"Oh, yeah," says Forman, grim.

"This is bad."

"Oh, yeah."

Donna steps close to the cot. She clears her throat. "Hyde?"

Hyde grunts. "Go away," she mutters, barely opening her mouth.

"Hyde," Fez starts, in his softest baby-talk tone. "As your friends, we're concerned about you."

Christ, can't they let her wallow in peace?

"Will you at least tell us what's wrong?" asks Forman. "Are you ill? Dying? Oh, god, is it contagious? I have a very feeble immune system."

"I think she and Jackie got into an argument," says Donna.

"But- they argue all the time!"

"That's banter, Eric. This must've been an argument for real."

Forman scoffs. "What is with those two, anyway? First, they become friends, defying all logic, and perhaps even Nature itself. Then they have an argument that sends Hyde to bed for three whole days?"

Hyde pulls her arm away from her eyes. "Would you quit talkin' about me like I'm not right here?" she snaps. She struggles into a sitting position, swinging her legs over the side of the cot. She glowers at the floor.

"Hyde... I'm sure whatever happened between you and Jackie, it'll work out," Donna tries.

"Hopefully soon." Forman raises his eyebrows. "She must be the one who's calling pretty much on the hour. It's driving my dad crazy. Though as you know, crazy's never really too far out of his way."

"Whatever," Hyde drones. She already bribed Mrs. Forman into insisting that Hyde isn't there, whenever Jackie calls. Worth the two bottles of white wine and then some. "I don't wanna talk to her."

"Okay, then. Let's do something fun!" Donna aims finger guns at Hyde, and sing-songs, "I know, what about your favorite pastime?" She winks.

Hyde shakes her head. Smoking when she's sad rarely helps. It's like using silly putty to plug up a dam. Might work for a little while, but not for long, and not very well.

"Alright, how about some good old-fashioned fun, like... shoplifting?" Donna offers. "That always cheers you up."

"Ooh, yes, let's shoplift the candy store." Fez grins.

"Not in the mood," says Hyde dully.

"My god." Forman knits his brow. "What did Jackie do to you?"

Hyde shrugs. _Good question._

Kelso comes bounding in. "What's goin' on? Party in Hyde's room?" He takes in their expressions, and frowns. "Funeral in Hyde's room?"

"Hyde and Jackie had a falling out." Forman's tone is thick with skepticism. "And now Hyde is listening to country music. Willingly."

"Oh yeah, I know all about that." Kelso nods, brow lifted. He jerks a thumb over his shoulder. "I just came from comforting Jackie. She cried on my shoulder for like fifteen minutes, and I had a _great_ view down her shirt. So thanks for that, Hyde." He grins.

Hyde grits her teeth. "Gee, Kelso. You're such a swell friend, it makes me weep."

"I know, right?" The sarcasm whizzes over his head, as usual. "She's lucky I'm here to be a comfort in her time of need."

Donna is eyeing Hyde shrewdly. _Uh oh._ Hyde may have tipped her hand a bit, there. Donna frowns.

"You should really go talk to her, Hyde," she says, with a certain weight in her voice.

Hyde throws out her arms. "I got nothin' to say. And whatever she thinks she has to say to me, I don't need to hear it. Case closed. The end." She scowls, and points to the door. "Now, all of you, get outta my room."

They leave, Eric and Donna casting worried looks at Hyde, then at each other. Whatever. Hyde knows she's being obvious. She doesn't care.

She just doesn't care about any of it.

She cranks up the volume on the radio, Willie Nelson's "Blue Eyes Crying In The Rain," and lays back down on the cot, throwing her arm over her eyes again.

So Jackie's upset. So she was crying on Kelso's shoulder. So what? That doesn't change what she did. It doesn't erase the image seared into Hyde's brain, of Jackie staring up at her, those sweet, soft-looking lips parted, asking to 'try it,' with Hyde. _Try it._ As if it's a fuckin' sweater at Macy's.

And this, right after Hyde had more or less spilled the contents of her heart all across the carpet of Jackie's Pepto-Bismol room. All that stuff about how she knew she was a lesbian. She's never shared any of that with anyone, not even Donna.

She's learned her lesson, now, that's for sure.

From the radio, Willie croons with the sweetest, aching sorrow, _"love is like a dyin' ember..."_ And Hyde gets it. She really does.

Some time later, she manages to drag herself out to her chair in the basement. She sits and stares at the TV. It's not turned on, but. Baby steps.

Donna comes thundering down the stairs. "Hyde, Leo's at the front door asking for you."

Hyde turns. "What?"

Donna nods emphatically. "Yeah, he says it's urgent. Something about the El Camino."

Hyde frowns, alarmed. Leo says it's urgent? That could mean anything. Either he accidentally swallowed a bug, or it's the End Times. But if something's happened to the El Camino... That car is the only thing of value that Hyde owns.

So she follows after Donna, all the way to the front door. She opens it.

Jackie is standing on the stoop, with a determined expression fastened to her face. Hyde whirls to read Donna the riot act, but she's conveniently disappeared. Oh, she's gonna pay for this.

Before Jackie can get a word in, or start with that puppy-eyed crap, Hyde heads her off.

"Whatever bullshit you're here to sell me, I ain't buyin' it." She points to the sign that Red tacked up next to the door. "See that? 'No Solicitors.'" She moves to close the door again.

Jackie catches it. "Sylvia." Her voice is pointed, desperate. "I know I made a mistake, a really terrible one, but I deserve a chance. You have to hear me out."

"I don't have to do anything."

Jackie huffs. "Okay. Will you _please_ hear me out?" She stares up at Hyde. Her eyes are big and damp, ringed by puffy redness peeking through her concealer. 

_Dammit._ Hyde lets go of the door, and folds her arms. “Fine. Talk.”

Jackie purses her lips. “In private?”

Hyde doesn’t really feel like letting Jackie into her room right now. She gets another idea. She leads Jackie around the side of the house, to the garage. Once they're inside, she rolls the door all the way down. They stand on either side of the Vista Cruiser's hood, staring at each other.

Jackie crinkles her nose. “Really? This is the best you can do?”

Hyde shrugs.

Jackie sighs. “Fine. First of all, I just want to tell you that I figured it out." She wiggles her hands, in her little 'announcement' gesture. "I’m bisexual.”

Hyde is silent, straight-faced. What does Jackie expect, confetti and balloons? Even still, Hyde's heart lifts. Just an inch. She can’t help it.

“Second, I'm so sorry for how I treated you. I never thought of you as a ‘trial run,’ Sylvie." Her voice is steady, in a forced way. Hard on the surface, soft underneath. "But I know that's how it came out, and I promise you, I've learned my lesson."

Hyde firms her mouth into a line. "Apology- appreciated," she concedes. 'Accepted' is going a bit far, at this juncture.

"So, tell me what I can do to fix it," says Jackie briskly. "To make it go back to how we were before."

Hyde stares at her. She's got her hair clipped back on either side by two sunny yellow barrettes, showing her ears, and where her ears meet her jaw. She's gazing at Hyde intently, so earnest. So lovely. Hyde sighs.

"Look, Jackie. I'm glad you've come around to being bi and everything," she says, and she means it. She goes on, voice hardening slightly, "But now that you've worked it out, whaddyou need me for?"

"What?" Jackie's brow pinches. "How can you say that? What about all the time we've spent together?"

"C'mon," Hyde says heavily. "You were only hanging out with me 'cause you were lonely, after breaking up with Kelso. You just needed someone to be with."

Jackie scowls. "Okay. Listen. I don't _need_ you, Sylvie. I want you." She blushes, and adds hastily, "I mean, I want to just- be with you. Hang out. Y'know." She puts on her _duh_ voice. "That's how being friends works."

 _I want you. I want you._ Hyde's heart is thudding like a bass drum. This, this right here, is why they can't be friends. It just might kill her.

She keeps cool, shrugging a shoulder. "All I'm sayin' is, seems like our- 'friendship,' or whatever the hell it was, has died a natural death. Time to say a prayer and move on."

It hurts to say it. Man, it hurts. But Hyde knows the hurt now will save her from a whole lot more hurt later.

Jackie looks straight into Hyde's eyes, and holds course, with that keen, bold stare. Slicing past all Hyde's defenses, cutting her to the quick. Jackie takes in a breath through her nose, and reaches into her purse. She produces an envelope.

"After I wrote my break-up letter to Michael, I was still in a letter-writing mood, so. I wrote this. For you. Three weeks ago." Her lips twitch, hesitant. "I never gave it to you, 'cause... well. You'll probably see why."

Hyde raises an eyebrow. Jackie comes around the front of the car, and stops halfway, giving Hyde an expectant look. Hyde hesitates, then draws toward her slowly. She meets Jackie in front of the hood. She takes the envelope.

"Just read it, okay? After that, you don't have to be friends with me. You don't even have to speak to me, ever again." Jackie's voice wobbles. She swallows, and finishes, "Just read the letter."

With that, she turns, and leaves, heeled boots clopping on the cement. She vanishes through the rear door, and Hyde is alone in the garage.

She looks down at the envelope. _Sylvie_ is written on it in Jackie's rounded, loopy script. The 'i' is dotted with a little heart.

Hyde tears it open, pulls out a single sheet of stationery, the fancy, thick kind. The letter is written in purple gel pen. Hyde squints, holding it up to the light, as she reads.

> December 22nd, 1977
> 
>   
>  Dear Sylvie,
> 
> I think you are the most wonderful person I ever met.  
> 
> 
> I know you'll roll your eyes at this, I can see you doing it right now, but that doesn't make it any less true.
> 
> The truth is that no one's ever really been there for me like you have. Maybe because I've never been there for anyone else, first. But you make me want to try doing that more often. Which is a weird feeling. And you make me think about stuff I always took for granted. Which is also weird. Plus you're smart, like really smart, but whenever we talk about "deep stuff," you never make me feel dumb. Which is good, because I'm not. I have intelligence and beauty, that's why everybody is so threatened by me. Everybody except you.
> 
> Anyways, when I look into the future - it's funny because I used to just see me, becoming a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader. But now I see you. Being roommates together or something, maybe. I just know that I want to keep being friends with you after you graduate. Not “yeah-let's-keep-in-touch" friends. I mean, I want to see you all the time. 
> 
> I think we go so well together. Everybody thinks it's strange that we like each other but it makes perfect sense to me. On the outside we are pretty different I guess (I'm the pretty one, you're different) but on the inside we are so alike. We both tell our friends the truth even when it hurts. We both like mint chocolate chip ice cream. We both like to go for drives in the El Camino and listen to the radio even though we have very different music tastes. We are both stubborn. And we both like ABBA even though you keep denying it, I know the truth!!
> 
> Okay, when I wrote that I was the pretty one- that was a joke. You actually are pretty. Just in a different way than most people think pretty can be. But I think you're magnificent. I think it's the way you move, and talk, even the funny faces you make. And your smile. I see something different every time I look at you, and the tiniest details are like clues about what you're thinking. It makes me feel like Nancy Drew solving a mystery.
> 
> This letter turned out really weird so I'm definitely never going to send it, but I still think you're wonderful all the same. I hope you know how much I care about you, and that I think about you all the time. You better not be a stranger after you graduate. If you are, I will hunt you down and make you hang out with me.
> 
> Because I love you, Sylvia Hyde. I really really do.
> 
> Yours forever,
> 
> Jackie

Hyde sort of collapses against the side of the Vista Cruiser. She needs to sit down. She opens the door of the car and sinks into the driver's seat, before her legs give out.

She braces her shaking hands on the steering wheel, and reads the letter again.

She has to read it several times before the words sink in, and start to make sense. It might as well be in a foreign language. _'I want to see you all the time'? 'I think you're magnificent'?_ Magnificent. Hell.

_'Because I love you, Sylvia Hyde. I really, really do.'_

Hyde lets the letter fall from her hands. She's breathing hard. Heat flushes her face, prickles at the corners of her eyes. All of a sudden, she's crying. Folding her arms across the steering wheel, leaning forward, to hide her face. She's crying like an idiot in Forman's car, letting big idiot tears drop onto the piece of creamy stationery on her lap.

It's a love letter. Not a 'friendship' love letter. A _love_ love letter. For Hyde. From Jackie.

She recovers, with a few shuddering breaths, wiping her eyes. She picks up the letter again.

If Jackie truly feels like this, and has felt like this for weeks, then... when she asked to kiss Hyde... it wasn't because she wanted to 'try it.' It was because she wanted to kiss her. To kiss _Hyde,_ specifically. A concept which makes Hyde's brain spark and sizzle and short-circuit. 

But instead, Jackie fucked it up. Then Hyde fucked up, too, by refusing to hear her out. And then it was all just fucked.

Hyde gets out of the Vista Cruiser, and slams the door shut. _That's it._ No more wallowing. No more fucking up. She’s gotta go find Jackie, and tell her how she feels.

But first, she needs a damn shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music mentioned:  
> ["Blue Eyes Crying In The Rain" by Willie Nelson (1975)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crgtWomWg90)


	9. intertwined

Jackie cannot _believe_ she gave Hyde the letter.

She can barely remember what's in it. She wrote it in a semi-euphoric state, after finishing Michael's break-up letter, and the moment she was done, she sealed it up and resolved to keep it tucked in her 'precious' box way in the back of her closet. All she remembers of that letter is a vague glowy feeling, and the certainty that Hyde could never see it.

She does recall the word 'love' was thrown out. Plus adjectives such as 'wonderful' and 'magnificent,' possibly. She'd been using her father's thesaurus to pack Michael's letter with devastating insults, and she may have gotten drunk on its power.

Jackie sits on her bed and flips idly through _Cosmo,_ without absorbing a single word. She can't stop replaying what happened in the Forman's garage. Analyzing how Hyde reacted to her apology. She was so cool, so detached. So... well, _Hyde._

Oh, it was infuriating. Jackie simply isn't used to dealing with indifference. She tends to inspire strong reactions in people. Love. Hate. Lust. Envy. Sometimes all of the above.

Whatever. If Hyde is indifferent to Jackie, who cares? Jackie doesn't need her. She'll get over this pesky crush, with several rounds of vigorous retail therapy, and rise again. Like a phoenix. A very cute, well-dressed, sweet-smelling phoenix.

"Sweetheart?" Jackie's father appears in the doorway of her room. He's been home a lot recently, which has been nice. He looks especially tired though. Maybe Jackie should give him a facial, for those bags under his eyes.

She closes her magazine. "Yes, daddy?"

"One of your school friends is here to see you."

Jackie frowns. Her first thought is that it must be Michael, here to offer a topless make-out session to 'cheer her up.' Again. But her dad knows Michael, hates him, and would have turned him away on the spot.

"Who?" Jackie asks.

"I didn't catch her name." He taps a finger to his chin. "She looks a bit like Stevie Nicks. But with bigger hair." He gestures. "Curlier."

Jackie's heart leaps into her throat. She almost chokes on it.

"Thanks, daddy!" She flies off the bed, and her feet barely touch the ground all the way down the hall. Before reaching the staircase, she screeches to a halt. 

_Good lord._ She has to get a grip. She has to be cool, like Hyde. Yet poised and pretty, like... her namesake and style icon Jackie O, for example. She checks her hair in a mirror on the wall. She takes a deep breath.

Hyde is standing in the foyer. She turns, with a jerk, to watch as Jackie descends the stairs, one hand resting on the banister. Graceful and composed on the surface, vibrating with nerves just underneath. At last, she touches down to earth at the bottom. 

Well, almost to earth.

Hyde's in her standard uniform: tight jeans, leather jacket, sunglasses. Her hair is obviously freshly washed, still a little wet. Jackie is gripped by a fierce urge to hug her, and breathe in her warm, clean scent. But she resists.

"Hello, Sylvia." She tries to sound cool. It comes out a little breathless. 

Hyde is frozen, her face fixed. "Hi," she says shortly.

Jackie gestures toward the den. "Would you like to-"

"Did you mean it?" Hyde blurts. Loud, and sudden. She adds, softer, "What you wrote. In the letter."

Jackie blinks. An evasive _'Maybe'_ rises to her tongue, but she swallows it. "Well, duh. Of course I meant it. Or I wouldn't have written it." And it's true, she realizes. She may not remember exactly what she wrote, but she does know she meant it.

Jackie has told enough lies to know what the truth feels like.

Hyde stares. Her eyes are a little bit wild behind her sunglasses. Their intensity makes Jackie's heartbeat quicken.

Jackie is about to say something else, anything to fill this bizarre silence, before Hyde bursts, "Wanna go for a drive?"

Jackie's lips twitch against a grin. "In the El Camino?"

"No, in my horse-and-carriage," Hyde deadpans. She cracks a smirk. "Yeah, in the El Camino."

Jackie beams. "Sure." The lightness of the word is ruined by her excitement and relief, humming inside it. 

Hyde grins back, and Jackie is flushed with sunlight from head to toe. Hyde opens the front door. She waits, to let Jackie through first. 

Jackie plucks her coat from the rack, and schools her face, to tip Hyde a look. "But by the way?" She sniffs. "A horse-and-carriage would've been way more impressive."

✩

"Wait, what? Why'd you bring us to the nature sanctuary?" Jackie tosses out a hand, as Hyde parks the car. "This place is so boring. No one ever comes here."

Hyde kills the engine. "Think you just answered your question," she says smoothly. She hopes, anyway.

"Oh." Jackie goes quiet. She fixes Hyde with a probing, curious look.

 _Hell._ Hyde looks away. Her skin prickles under Jackie's gaze.

Second-guessing panic fuzzes out her thoughts like static. What if she misread the letter? What if Jackie really did mean it all in a just-friends way?

Then Hyde remembers the part about _'being roommates together or something, maybe.'_ Yeah. Or something. Plus the part where Jackie said she feels like Nancy Drew solving a mystery, whenever she looks at Hyde. 

No. Hyde's not imagining things. That letter was pretty damn gay.

Applying the letter backwards to the past month or so, it becomes clear that Jackie's been honest-to-god flirting with Hyde. Maybe without realizing it. But come on, taking any excuse to touch, or hold hands? Laughing at every single stupid joke Hyde makes? Suggesting they go freakin' bra shopping together? Cuddling 'for warmth?'

Hyde has been such an idiot.

"Listen." Jackie jumps into the silence, with a certain brisk resolve. "I know the letter was weird. We don't have to talk about it. We can just go back to normal, and put this whole thing behind us." She gives Hyde a wary look. "Unless you're still mad."

"I'm not mad." Hyde's mouth has never been so dry, and considering how much pot she smokes, that's saying something. She swallows, and says hoarsely, "But I- I don't wanna go back to normal."

Jackie knits her brow. "Oh. You don't?"

Hyde taps her thumbs on the steering wheel, and stares into the distance. She lets out a breath through rounded lips.

Inside her head, she's screaming: _just freakin' say it!_ Say something. Anything. _'Jackie, I think I might be in love with you.'_ Okay, whoa, not that. _'Jackie, you're so beautiful that sometimes when I look at you I forget how to breathe.'_ Yikes. Too much. _'Jackie, I like you. I mean,_ like _like you.'_ God, what is this, third grade?

"Sylvie? Are you okay?"

Hyde looks at Jackie, opens her mouth. Nothing comes out. She sighs.

She's gotta circle it. Talk around it, trace the edges, until she gets close enough that Jackie can understand.

Hyde spreads her hands. "Alright. When you asked to kiss me, and I got mad? Well, I wasn't mad because I didn't want to kiss you." Double negative, how excellently incomprehensible. She grimaces. "It wasn't because I didn't want to kiss you, because- well, uh... the opposite was, in fact, the case."

"What?" Jackie squints. "You sound like Eric. What is wrong with you?"

Hyde makes a face. Dammit, she does sound like Forman. All waffle-y and weasel-y and weak.

"Ugh." Jackie tosses up her hands. "You're driving me nuts, Sylvia. I might as well go bird-watching. Since I'm here." She opens the car door, and starts to get out. 

Hyde grits her teeth. "Wait, don't-" She reaches out, and catches Jackie by the arm, and that's maybe what tugs it out of her, in an exasperated rush, "C'mon, I'm tryin' to tell you that I like you!"

Jackie turns back, one hand still on the open car door, to gape at Hyde. "What?" Her eyes are wide, eyebrows arched high. "You like me? Like... in a gay way?"

 _Jesus Christ._ On the inside, Hyde's heart is making big pink bubble letters, spelling out _~YES, in a gay way!~_ She shuts her eyes. She nods.

She has to shut her eyes, because if Jackie says _'Gross!'_ and gets out of the car, Hyde can't bear to watch the world drain of color and light. She keeps her eyes shut, as the shotgun door closes. That's it. Jackie was so disgusted she left in silence.

Then Hyde feels warm breath on her cheeks. She opens her eyes, to stare into Jackie's face, inches from hers.

"Oh, Sylvie." Jackie is lit up like an exploding star. She murmurs softly, "I like you, too."

Hyde can't breathe. The air within the cab of the El Camino has turned to fire, and Hyde is burning from the inside out. Then Jackie's hands, small and soft, slightly cool, land on Hyde's cheeks.

Slowly, Jackie reaches up, and takes Hyde's sunglasses off her face. She sets them on the dash.

"Does this mean we can kiss?"

Again, Hyde nods. But on the inside, her heart is bursting, singing, cartwheeling. 

_Yes, yes, yes._

✩

Jackie can't breathe.

Her lungs have been working just fine, maybe even in overdrive, up until now. Until Hyde touches her. She cups a hand to Jackie's neck, just below her ear, thumb tracing Jackie's jawline, coaxing her face upwards. Stretching the anticipation all the way down Jackie's spine, to pool deep and low in her stomach.

Hyde leans in, gaze flickering between Jackie's eyes, and her mouth. Hyde's tongue darts out over her lower lip.

Jackie is about to complain, _God, hurry_ up _already,_ before Hyde's mouth lands on hers, and swallows the words. Along with the last of Jackie's breath.

Huh. 

When Hyde kisses, she's... different. Not at all how Jackie expected. Hyde kisses sweet yet urgent, with a rhythm like a driving bassline from the rock music she loves so much. None of the stillness and silence and dumb nodding from minutes before. Hyde kisses _loud._

So Jackie matches her volume, sliding her hands up Hyde's neck and into those dense, soft curls. Hyde makes a low sound, muffled in Jackie's mouth. She grips Jackie's waist gently, but firmly, tugging in a question. Jackie answers by climbing onto Hyde's lap. The new closeness is nothing short of a revelation. Jackie is dizzy with it.

That keen, almost painful awareness of Hyde's body flushes Jackie whole, that awareness she's had for months and months, like an electric current running through the two of them. 'Cause Hyde is aware of Jackie, too. Oh, she sure is. Her hands are as loud as her kisses. They rub up and down Jackie's thighs, yet always retreating before they get too close to Jackie's rear.

Well, that just won't do. The next time around, Jackie scoots forward on Hyde's lap at the last second, so that her hands wind up fully under Jackie's skirt.

Jackie grins into Hyde's mouth, triumphant. Hyde pulls back, with a breathy chuckle.

"Neat trick," she says huskily.

"Just seemed like you needed some help." Jackie flutters her eyelashes.

Hyde swallows. She's breathing hard. "Jackie- we..." She shuts her eyes. "We should slow down. Probably."

"Why?"

Hyde blinks. She considers a moment. "Y'know what?" She smiles, and shrugs. "Can't think of a reason."

"There, you see?" Jackie gestures, palm up. "You should just stop thinking. It only gets in the way."

Hyde stares at her in wonder. "God help me, Jackie, but you're starting to sound wise."

"Duh. You might be the secret genius disguised as a poor, lazy burnout, but I am the brains of this outfit." Jackie smirks. "Now, go back to kissing me like it's your reason to live."

Hyde grins. "You got it, doll.” She reaches around Jackie, to twist the keys in the ignition, and turn on the radio. She tunes it without looking, to the nearest station playing Led Zeppelin. _Of course._

Jackie opens her mouth to complain, but then her mouth is otherwise occupied, and she gives in. Happily.

✩

This is it. Hyde can die happy.

Parked in the El Camino with nobody around, "I Can't Quit You Baby" on the radio, Jackie Burkhart in her arms, and _fuck_ but Jackie's lips really are as soft as they look. Plus her lip gloss tastes just like cherry popsicle. Hyde's favorite flavor. Coincidence? Probably, yeah. But she's taking it as a cosmic sign.

Nothing could have prepared her for Jackie's- uh, enthusiasm. Hyde thought she'd need to warm up to the idea of kissing a girl. But Jackie is not only eager, she's demanding. Just like Hyde always dreamed she would be. Demanding, and handsy. In a kind of sly, 'Jackie' way. For example, she maneuvers Hyde's jacket off before Hyde even realizes what's happened, and- damn, but that's hot.

Hyde can't stop thinking, though. She's still tense at the edges, holding back, scared she'll scare Jackie off.

So when Jackie pulls away, Hyde's first thought is, "What's wrong?"

Jackie pouts. With her reddened, kiss-swollen lips, it's only sexier. "You're not touching me."

"Touching you?" Hyde says stupidly. Everything she says is going to be stupid, given her Jackie-addled brain. She looks down at her hands, resting on Jackie's waist. "I'm touching you right now."

"I mean, _touching_ me. Like- other places. Lower places."

 _Whoa._ Hyde has to process those words, and recalibrate, before she can respond coherently. "Jackie, are you talkin' about sex?"

"No. I don't know." She purses her lips. "I thought it was only sex if it's with a guy, and he- y'know. Puts it in."

Hyde gives her a dubious look. "Lemme assure you, you do not need a guy to have sex. And there's a lot of things besides 'putting it in,' even with a guy. You know that, right?"

"Oh. Yeah. I did all that with Michael. I used to- do stuff for him. He showed me how. And he... like, put his mouth on me. Down there. I taught him how to do that. But I thought it didn't count."

"Uh, it counts," Hyde laughs, a little strained. Nothing involving Kelso should turn Hyde on, but somehow the idea of Jackie teaching him how to go down on her is... kinda hot. Her oh-so-superior voice, instructing him like the idiot he is, _No, not_ there, _Michael! There. Like that._

Hyde shakes herself. "Look, Jackie. I'm into this, trust me. You have no idea how much. But let's take our time. Okay?" 

"Okay." Jackie looks disappointed. Then she brightens. "You know what, you're right. Our first time shouldn't be in a car, anyway. It should be on a bed of rose petals. Ooh, or a white-sand beach!"

Hyde lifts an eyebrow. "Or, y'know. My room."

"Ew." Jackie crinkles her nose. "Your room is the least romantic place on earth. What about my room?"

Hyde snorts. "The Pepto-Bismol Palace?"

"Hey! It is _not-_ well, my palace is better than your Yard-Sale Dungeon."

Hyde sucks in a breath through her teeth. "I dunno, Jackie. If we do it in your room, Fluffycakes might wanna watch..."

Jackie screws up her face, indignant. “Oh, you-” She unleashes a hail of playful smacks on Hyde’s arms and shoulders, while Hyde vainly attempts to shield herself, laughing.

At last Jackie relents, and Hyde pulls her into another sweet, deep, all-consuming kiss. They melt back into each other.

Later, they’ll have to contend with what this means, out in the real world... but right now, they’re right where they’re meant to be.

And everything’s alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music mentioned (a fantastic song btw, 10/10 make out music):  
> ["I Can't Quit You Baby" by Led Zeppelin, song written by Willie Dixon (1969)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29PSPafL54o)
> 
> I'm so nervous to post this aaahh!! If you enjoyed this chapter please drop a comment and let me know. (Constructive criticism is also welcome!)


	10. truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **tw:** fade-to-black sex

Jackie is lying awake, sometime on the wrong side of midnight, when she hears knocking at her window.

She narrows her eyes. It's not a sound she's ever heard before, seeing as her room is on the second floor. So it takes her a minute to work out what it is. She sits up, and turns on the lamp next to her bed.

In the light cast through her window, a face appears, stenciled against the dark. A familiar, grinning face, wreathed in cloud-like curls.

Jackie scrambles out of bed. She unlocks the window, and lifts up the inner panel. Fresh night air pours through, and fills her lungs, along with the equally refreshing sight of Hyde. Face all lit up, cheeks and nose pinked from the cold.

"What on earth are you _doing?"_

"What's it look like?" The glow from the lamp catches in Hyde's eyes. "I climbed up the trellis and now I'm standing on your roof."

"And you couldn't ring the doorbell because...?" Light dawns, and Jackie clutches her chest. "Awww! Sylvie. Were you trying to be romantic?"

She makes a grudging face. "It's one o'clock in the morning. I couldn't just ring the doorbell." Her lips twitch with mischief. "'Sides, I've always wanted to sneak into my girlfriend's room."

Jackie leans her hands on the windowsill, melting a little. "You just called me your girlfriend," she sing-songs, grinning. 

Hyde flushes red from the neck up. She frowns. "No, I didn't." 

"Mmhm. Sure. Well, I hate to burst your 'up-to-no-good' bubble, but there's no one else here. So there's no need to sneak."

Hyde's brow furrows, making a cute little line. "You're all alone?"

"Not anymore," says Jackie breezily. "Now, get in here."

Hyde throws a leg over the sill. Before her boot can touch down, Jackie shrieks, and shoves her back through. "Ew, ew ew! You're covered in mud! Out, out!"

"Jackie, the hell-" Hyde stumbles back onto the roof, grabbing the window's edge to keep her balance. "I had to wade through the flowerbed to get to the trellis. I got a little muddy, so what."

"You are not tracking mud onto my carpet, Sylvia."

Hyde pouts. Then, quick as the flick of a lighter, a grin sparks across her face. "Okay, then." She unbuttons her jeans.

"What are you-"

The question dies on Jackie's tongue, as Hyde shimmies her jeans down her hips, right there on the roof. Jackie's mouth drops open.

"You are ridiculous," she hisses, giggling.

Hyde cups a hand around her ear, as she tugs off her boots with the other. "What was that? Ridiculously sexy?" She kicks boots, socks and jeans away from her ankles, leaving them strewn heedlessly on the roof. Jackie is mesmerized by the plain white cotton panties stretched across her hips. That is, until Hyde sheds her jacket, and tugs off her t-shirt.

"Wh- your shirt wasn't even muddy!" Jackie sputters, as her face flushes. Her eyes are full of Hyde, so much Hyde, all at once, all smooth skin and lean curves, pastel yellow bra straps bright against her shoulders. 

Jackie couldn't tear her eyes away even if her room was on fire. In fact, based on the heat searing into the back of her neck, it might be. 

Hyde blinks, pulling an innocent look. "So I should put it back on?" She shrugs, "If you insist..." and makes to pull the shirt over her head again.

"Just- get in here, already."

Hyde clambers inside, and stands there rubbing her arms, bouncing on her heels. "That was fun. But cold."

"Aw, you poor thing, I'll help you warm up..." Jackie purrs. Hyde gives her an eager grin. Jackie swishes over to her vanity, and grabs the fluffy pink robe draped over the chair. She throws it at Hyde. "Here ya go!"

Hyde scowls, and hurls the robe back. Jackie cackles.

Her laughter fades into breath, and she pulls her lips into her mouth. It's the first time Jackie's ever seen Hyde without clothing, and it's... well, it's a lot to think about. She just spent several hours lying awake, worrying about her recently-imprisoned dad, and her still-MIA mother. This is the perfect antidote.

"By the way, Kelso and me came by earlier. We snuck a couple stink bombs into the local news van that was parked down at the end of your driveway. I'm all for freedom of the press, but those guys were just being obnoxious."

Jackie beams. "My heroes."

She glances away, face falling. It's weird to think about Michael and Sylvia hanging out, pulling pranks, like they always do. When Michael still doesn't know.

They've been making out in secret for a week and a half, now. The making out part is fantastic, but the secret part is getting old. Jackie's daydreamed about several suitably dramatic ways they could tell their friends- her favorite is a cake that says 'Jackie + Sylvia = ♡' in pink frosting, with rainbow layers on the inside- but... she hasn't brought it up yet. She's afraid to.

"I came out to the guys today."

Jackie's heart leaps, eyes flashing to Hyde. "You did?"

Hyde is so casual about it. But the leftover tension in her shoulders says otherwise. "Don't worry, I didn't say nothin' about you," she assures Jackie.

"Well?" Jackie gestures, ignoring the stab of disappointment lodged in her ribs. "How'd it go?"

"Better than I expected." Hyde seems suddenly self-conscious about her near-naked state. She tugs a blanket off the bed, wrapping it around her shoulders. "They were cool. Well. Cool for them. Kelso and Fez had plenty of obnoxious questions about quote-unquote 'girl-on-girl sex,' of course. I gave the best wise-ass answers I could." 

Jackie smiles. Hyde had fun with that, no doubt. "And Eric?"

"He wanted to know if this means I can give them 'double insider' girl advice. As a girl who also knows how to get girls."

Jackie snorts. "As if you know how to get girls."

"What?" Hyde scoffs, offended. "C'mon. I got you, didn't I?"

Jackie purses her lips. "After tedious amounts of coaxing and hand-holding and letter-writing on my part... yes, Sylvia." She pats her blanket-draped arm. "You got me."

"Hey." Hyde turns serious, her eyes searching Jackie's. "How're you holdin' up?" she asks softly.

Jackie opens her mouth, to offer a cheery _'I'm fine,'_ but Hyde would only see right through it. "I don't know." Her eyes drop to the floor. "My dad got sentenced to five years in prison. The soonest he'll be out is in two. He's going to miss my graduation. I'm..." She sighs. "I don't know."

Hyde opens her arms, spreading the blanket on her shoulders like big soft wings. With her body silhouetted against it, she looks like an angel. "C'mere."

Jackie steps into her. Lets herself be enfolded in a double-cozy embrace: Hyde's arms, plus blanket. Plus warm, bare skin, pressed up against Jackie. How can she be sad _and_ turned-on, at the same time? Huh. Turns out it's possible.

"I'm sorry," Hyde murmurs in her ear. After a moment, she pulls back, and offers, "Hey, if your dad needs any tips for gettin' by on the inside, I got quite a few relatives who could share their wisdom."

"Thank you. But to be honest... I don't really wanna talk about it right now." Jackie bites her lip. "I wanna be distracted."

Hyde grins. "That's what I'm here for."

Jackie wraps her arms tighter around Hyde's waist, pulling them closer together. She runs her hands up and down Hyde's back. "Do you have any ideas, or...?"

Hyde's mouth curls at one corner. "I got a few."

They fall into the place they've been headed all along. The kiss starts soft at first, like a hello, then deepens fast, into searching hands and soft, muffled sounds. Jackie pulls Hyde over to the bed. The blanket falls away, as they both clamber up, only breaking contact for the barest instant before their mouths draw back together.

Hyde's hands have been getting successively bolder every time they make out. They tug at the front of Jackie's shirt, in question.

"Yes, please," Jackie murmurs.

Hyde presses a trail of kisses along Jackie's jaw, to her ear, as she undoes the buttons of Jackie's satin pajama shirt, and pushes it down her shoulders. Both are breathing hard. Slow, rolling breaths, like waves crashing. Even still, somehow Jackie can't get enough air.

Hyde's mouth greets one newly-bare shoulder, and Jackie's breath catches. She's never been kissed there before. Hyde sighs across Jackie's skin, lips brushing along her collarbone, and her body comes awake. As if before it was in black-and-white, like an old movie, only blooming into full color where Hyde's lips have been. 

Finally, Jackie shakes the pajama shirt all the way off, and sits back on her hands. She smiles at the slack-jawed awe on Hyde's face. Jackie has always known she's beautiful, but it's one thing to know, and another thing to read it in someone else's eyes.

Jackie chews her lip. Her eyes dip down Hyde's front, then back up. "Can... can I see yours?"

Hyde comes out of her trance. "Thought you'd never ask." She reaches around, to undo her bra, but Jackie catches her arms.

"I wanna do it," she says softly.

Hyde swallows, and nods. Jackie sits up, to wrap her arms around Hyde. Her fingers make quick work of the little hooks, and then- then Hyde's chest is bare before her.

It's funny to think how Jackie's spent the better part of a year sneaking looks at Hyde's chest, in those threadbare concert tees, and the whole time she thought the skin-prickles were from jealousy. After all, Hyde's are slightly bigger than Jackie's. A handful to her palmful. But now Jackie knows she was never really jealous, all along.

She ghosts her hands lightly over Hyde's breasts, reveling in them, the tightening of her nipples, their little pink buds stiff under Jackie's feather-soft touch. 

"Wow," she breathes.

Hyde lets out a little grunt, frustrated. "You going somewhere with this? Or you just gonna drive me crazy?" 

She tips a smirk upwards. "But that's what I do best."

"Ain't that the truth." Hyde tugs Jackie closer, pulling her into a kiss. This time, their mouths are open from the first. They share each other's breath, tongues meeting in slick, warm confluence. And kissing with tongue is nothing new, but it's different now. Now, with so much heated skin to brush past each other, with Hyde's hands on Jackie's breasts, returning the favor.

Jackie is lightheaded, giddy. It's all she can do to hold onto Hyde for dear life, fingers pressed to the back of her neck. They're skirting the edges of someplace new. Someplace deeper.

Hyde must sense it, too. Her hands drift to Jackie's hips, playing at the elastic of her pajama bottoms. She pulls back. Her breathing is ragged, pupils blown wide.

"Well." She swallows. "Here we are."

Jackie nods. "In my palace."

Hyde looks around. "Guess it's not the worst place..." Her eyes flick back to Jackie's, and settle there. "For a first time," she finishes.

Jackie breaks into a grin. "Oh, Sylvie." She grabs her upper arms, and squeezes. "I'm ready. Are you?" 

Hyde's bites her lip, and nods. "Yeah." She hesitates, face suddenly grave. "But Jackie- there's just one problem."

Her stomach drops. "What?"

"We're not alone." Hyde pinches her mouth, barely holding back a grin. She points to the stuffed unicorn over by Jackie's pillow. Jackie huffs, and rolls her eyes, with a long-suffering shake of her head. Meanwhile Hyde has collapsed into giggles, biting her fist, mirth dancing in her eyes. And it's hard for Jackie to even pretend to be annoyed, when Hyde does that.

"Would you quit making fun of Fluffycakes?" Jackie picks up the blanket, and drapes it over him. "There. Now his innocence will be protected."

Hyde's laughter dissolves. Her gaze is heavy, one hand reaching out to brush Jackie's cheek. "Jackie..." Her voice is as soft as her touch. "I want this to be really good for you."

"It better be," Jackie quips.

"What I mean is- talk to me, okay? Tell me what feels good and what doesn't."

"Oh trust me, I will. I never had any problem telling Michael and I won't hesitate to tell you." She makes a face. "Also, why are you talking like you are the only one with any responsibility in this?"

Hyde blinks. "I- well. I mean. You've never been with a girl, before, and I have, so I feel like... I dunno." She shrugs. "Like, if I screw up, it'll give all of us a bad name or something."

"That's just stupid." Jackie traces circles on Hyde's inner thigh. "The only way you can screw up is by talking... instead of screwing," she finishes, with her most wicked smile.

Hyde's eyes flash dark, delighted. She takes Jackie into her arms, and kisses her surely. Gently, slowly, they adjust, so that Jackie is lying back, Hyde hovering over her. Hyde shifts down, fingers dipping under the waistband of Jackie's pajama pants.

Jackie catches Hyde's wrist. "Wait."

Hyde freezes instantly, and looks up. "Didja change your mind? It's okay, if you did."

"No- I mean, it's still a yes. I just..." Jackie bites her lip, then blurts, "I don't want this to be one-sided."

"It won't be," Hyde reassures. "I'll just go first. Give you the idea."

Jackie relaxes, enough to tease, "I hope you give me more than that."

It's Hyde's turn to smile wickedly. "Count on it, doll."

 

Jackie knows how to pick her moment.

She waits until they're cuddled up close under the covers- Hyde's arm draped over her waist, face buried in her hair. The air is still thick around them, and they're both wonderfully tired and warm and comfortable, which means now is the moment to strike.

"Sylvie?"

"Mmf."

"When are we going to tell them?" She pauses. "Our friends, I mean."

Hyde stiffens, almost imperceptibly, but Jackie catches it. So attuned she is to Hyde's body, now more than ever. "You don't want to tell them, do you," she says, with a hint of accusation.

The silence drags out a beat too long. Jackie pulls herself away, stomach tightening. "If you're ashamed of being with me-"

"No. God, no." Hyde sits up a little, and squeezes Jackie's shoulder. In the darkness, her voice takes on a richer texture, husky and soft. "I mean, you _are_ a rich, popular cheerleader who represents everything I stand against, ideologically... but no, I'm not ashamed of you."

Jackie frowns. "That wasn't very reassuring, Sylvia."

"Jackie. Listen. If this was a less shitty world, I would go around telling everyone I meet that you're my chick. I would- I would wear a t-shirt that says 'Jackie Burkhart's lesbian girlfriend.'"

Jackie can't help but crack a smile at the image. "You would?"

"Hell yeah. I'd go on the radio. I'd take out an ad in the paper. You are- god, Jackie, being with you is, like... the proudest accomplishment of my life." She hesitates. "And for the record, all of this is off the record, 'cause I'm still riding that afterglow high, so don't listen to a word that comes out of my mouth right now."

"Nuh-uh." Jackie grins. "This is _so_ on the record."

"Dammit. Fine. Whatever." A grin is concealed in Hyde's voice, too. "Point is, I'm not ashamed of you. I just... what we've got is so good, right now, and I wanna keep it like that. For as long as it lasts."

Jackie chews her lip. "But if the guys were accepting of you, what makes you think they wouldn't accept us?" As soon as she says the words, they give her pause. Michael does have genuine reason to be upset, separate from the gay thing. But he'll get over it. Eventually.

Hyde sighs. "It just never ends, y'know? We come out to them, and best-case scenario, no one else ever finds out. But let's face it, they will. There'll be rumors. I doubt your cheerleader friends are the most progressive bunch." Her voice warms, thickening. "And it'll be shitty and then you'll realize what a pain in the ass this is and you'll... well, you won't wanna deal with it. And I won't blame you, if I'm honest."

"Alright." Jackie brings out her firm, no-nonsense tone. "Tell me something. When have I ever let anybody else get in the way of what I want?"

"Uh..."

"That's right," Jackie cuts her off. "Never. I always get what I want, Sylvia. And I know people at school will be assholes. Cheerleaders will be bitches. That's nothing new. But I want to be able to sit on your lap in the basement and have none of our friends bat an eye."

"Fez might."

"Whatever. He can go- jerk off into sandpaper."

Hyde laughs. "Damn, you are brutal." She snuggles into Jackie, with a little hum. "I love it."

 _Love._ The word wraps around Jackie's ribcage, and tightens. "Don't you want to be open around our friends?" she asks.

A dense pause. "Yeah."

"Well that's that, then. We'll tell them." 

"Okay," says Hyde.

Jackie lets this settle, before she says brightly, "If that was our first argument as a couple, I think it went pretty well."

"That wasn't an argument. That was me agreeing with you."

"Right. Just how all our arguments should be."

Hyde chuckles.

"Now. As for _how_ we're going to tell them... I have a few ideas. One is a rainbow layer cake, another is a puzzle that comes together to spell out 'Jackie & Sylvia Forever,' or we could-"

"Jackie. Go to sleep."

She purses her mouth, then lets out a huff. "Fine. But we're gonna plan this all out in the morning."

"Lookin' forward to it," Hyde mumbles. "I love a good argument over breakfast."

"So do I. I especially love when I win them."

"G'night, Jackie."

She smiles. "'Night, Sylvie."

And she doesn't say it, but she thinks it, and holds it inside her for someday yet to come.

_I love you._


	11. starry-eyed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **mild tw:** pre-planned relationship reveal, coming out w/ positive outcome (like, unrealistically positive and uncomplicated, and no I do not care)

The time has come.

As soon as Jackie flounces into the basement, and gives the nod, Hyde gets up, and turns off the TV. The rest of the gang is embroiled in debate: who would win in a fight, Spider-Man versus a Jedi warrior.

"Okay, people." Hyde clears her throat, to no avail. "Listen up."

None of them even look over; Forman and Kelso keep yelling at each other, as Donna points out "Wouldn't Spider-Man and a Jedi both be on the good side?" while Fez loudly demands to know who ate all his Milk Duds.

"Shut your big fat mouths!" Jackie's voice pierces through the din. Silence descends.

Hyde grins at her. "Nicely done." She turns to the group. "Alright. Me and Jackie got an announcement to make." Just like they planned, Hyde slides an arm around Jackie's waist. Jackie wraps her own arms around Hyde's stomach.

They receive baffled stares, with the exception of Donna.

"Ha! I _knew_ it!" she crows.

The guys are still lost. So much for subtlety. "We're a couple, ya morons," says Hyde.

There's a collective bug-eyed _"What?"_ Donna sits there looking smug.

"We will now be taking questions," says Jackie blithely, a veteran of many press releases.

Kelso and Fez's hands rocket into the air.

Hyde clarifies, "No questions related to sex, or whether you can watch us doing it."

Kelso and Fez's hands go back down.

"I have... so many questions." Forman is perched on the back of the couch, gripping it like he might fall off any second. "But I'll start with: which of you pays on dates?"

"Me," says Jackie. "Well, we trade off. But most of the time it's me."

"'Cause I'm broke." Hyde grins. "And cheap as hell."

"But if Jackie pays... then that means Jackie's the guy?" Kelso sounds befuddled and horrified.

Jackie makes a face. "Ick. No. Neither of us is the guy."

Fez asks, "Who drives?"

"Me," says Hyde.

"Aha! So, Hyde is the guy."

"No, there is no- ah, forget it," Hyde snaps. "If the guy is the one who'll kick your asses if you don't stop trying to work out who's 'the guy,' then I'm the guy."

They stare in silence. Then all three start nodding at once, trading glances and murmuring, "Yeah, sure, makes sense."

"I got a question for Jackie." Kelso folds his arms. His face pinches up, strained with the effort of comprehending this development. "When'd you turn into a lesbian? Was it while we were dating, or after, or what?"

"I'm not a lesbian," Jackie says patiently. "I'm bisexual, which means I can like multiple genders. So I liked you, and now I like Hyde."

They consider this. Kelso and Fez look particularly contemplative. After a minute, there are nods all around, and another ripple of murmurs, "Okay, I guess, fair enough."

"I have a question for Hyde." Fez sits forward on the couch, and lifts a finger. "So-"

"No sex questions," Hyde cuts him off flatly.

"It's not!" He tosses his hands. "Geez, what d'you think I am, some kind of pervert?"

"Yes," says everyone, in unison.

Fez shrugs. "I was going to ask if this is all merely an elaborate, scathing burn on Kelso." He turns to Kelso, grinning. "Because if so, I would like the honor of saying to him... a-burn!" He cinches it in the air with glee.

"Nah, Jackie and me are really dating." Hyde smirks. "The Kelso burn is just a bonus."

"Yeah, well, the burn's on you, 'cause I don't feel insecure or emasculated by this, at all." Kelso chews his lower lip. After a beat, he bursts, "Was I just too much man for you, Jackie? So you had to go and hook up with a girl?"

"Yes, Michael." Jackie rolls her eyes. "You were just too much man. Especially that time you ditched me and ran off to California like a big scaredy-cat baby."

"Yeah," he says petulantly. "That's what I thought." He falters, and his brow knits. "Wait a minute." He shoots to his feet, and aims a finger at Hyde. "You're dating Jackie! I should kick your ass, Hyde! But I can't, 'cause you're a girl!"

Forman pipes up. "I will remind you of by-law 14 of The Basement Legal Code, ratified in 1973. 'No hitting girls under any circumstances... unless it's Hyde and she started it.'"

Hyde nods, grinning. "Oh, yeah. Good law."

"And is there a law about friends not stealing each other's girlfriends?" Kelso wants to know.

Forman thinks. "I don't believe so, no."

"Well I'm about to ratify that, right now. Hyde, you started it by dating Jackie, and now I'm gonna kick your ass!"

Jackie gasps. "Are you two really gonna fight over me? I had a dream about this! Except it was like an episode of _Dallas,_ and we all had Texan accents."

"Alright." Kelso readies his fists. "Square up, 'pardner."

Hyde rolls her eyes, and holds up her palms. "Kelso," she says sternly. "I didn't steal your girlfriend, man. You were broken up. And if anyone's ass is getting kicked, it'll be yours. After the way you treated Jackie, you deserve a whole lot worse. But she's over it, so..." Hyde shrugs. "I'm cool if you're cool."

He scowls. "Fine," he whines, shaking out his fists. "Whatever." He shoves his hands into his pockets, and sulks.

"Okay." Forman lifts a hand. "I have a serious question. For the both of you." He leans forward, and presses his hands together in front of his mouth, pensive. Then he throws out his arms, and wails, _"Why?"_

Hyde chuckles.

Jackie gazes up at her, beaming. "Because Sylvia infuriates me," she says simply. "And I make her miserable."

Hyde grins down at her. "Yep. I'm a wretched husk of my former self."

"That's why we're perfect for each other," Jackie chirps, and pulls Hyde into a kiss.

Everyone cheers. Hyde whirls, to give them her best death glare. "You better cut that shit out."

Donna swings out a hand. "Hey, I was cheering 'cause you guys are so freakin' cute."

"Aww, we really are, aren't we?" Jackie coos. "That's okay, Donna, you can cheer."

"That's why we were cheering, too!" Fez insists.

Hyde lifts an eyebrow. "Uh huh. Jackie?" She tips her head toward the door. "Wanna get out of here?"

Jackie links her arm with Hyde's, and waves, flashing a red-carpet-worthy smile. "Bye, losers! And Donna."

As they leave the basement, they can hear Donna snickering, "Ha, ha. 'Losers.'"

✩

"It's too damn cold for this," Hyde grumbles, tugging the quilts up closer under her chin. The bed of the El Camino underneath them is not all that comfy, either, even with the nest they made out of Mrs. Forman's thickest woolen blankets.

"Wuss. C'mon, it's Valentine's Day. And you're the cheapo who wanted to do something that didn't require spending any money."

"Got me there."

"Cuddling under the stars was the only alternative romantic enough for me to accept." Jackie smirks from under her eyelashes. "Besides, I'm here to warm you up..."

Hyde grins. They draw together easily, matching mouths, bodies pressing closer. Just like that, Hyde isn't so cold anymore.

They're parked out on the edges of town, where there's nothing but dairy farms and empty fields, and the stars shine brighter. Pinpricks of light in the overturned ink bowl of the sky. Hyde's always preferred night to day. The moon to the sun. Nighttime belongs to troublemakers, after all. But until recently, she hadn't considered that it belongs to lovers, too.

 _Lovers?_ Hell, listen to her. She blames Jackie's mouth. That bitchy, razor-sharp mouth, which softens whenever it meets Hyde's, and makes Hyde soften, too.

Jackie's little portable radio plays on low volume next to them, currently some pop crap- KC & The Sunshine Band, _"Keep it comin' love..."_ And Hyde would totally change it, if she didn't have her hands full of Jackie.

It's over by the time they pull apart, anyway. They settle into stillness. Jackie's head on Hyde's shoulder, one hand resting curled on her chest. Hyde wraps one arm around Jackie, the other tucked behind her head. She gazes up at the night sky, grinning. Like an idiot.

Jackie traces heart shapes on Hyde's sweater. "What're you thinking about?"

Hyde narrows her eyes. She's hesitant to admit that her train of thought at this moment, and almost any time they're together, is basically _Jackiegirlfriendpretty_ followed by infinite exclamation points.

"I was thinking how the night sky isn't really black," she says instead. "If you look at it. It's almost black, but it's got a fuzzy layer of grey over it. Like static." Epiphany strikes. "It's the government, man. They're projecting subliminal messages onto the sky."

Jackie giggles. "You're weird."

Hyde pokes her. "What're _you_ thinkin' about?" Expecting to hear the latest upset in the complex politics of the cheerleading squad, or Jackie's opinion on some fashion faux pas, or maybe an answer intended to make Hyde blush. Jackie's favorite pastime.

Instead she says, "I was... remembering my first kiss." Her voice is soft, distant. "My real first kiss."

Hyde jokes, "Thinking about another girl, huh?"

Jackie whips her head up. She blinks, mouth agape. "How'd you know it was with a girl?" she breathes, awed and horrified.

Hyde points upwards. "Government broadcast it onto the sky. They know all your secrets." Jackie continues with her fish impression. Hyde chuckles. "You told me, dingus."

"No, I didn't." Jackie's voice drips with disbelief.

Hyde props herself up on her elbows. She smiles wryly. "Yeah, you don't remember." She coughs, "Lightweight."

"I was drunk? Oh my god. When was this?"

The smile fades from Hyde's face. It's weird to think about that night. Back in the good ol' days, when Jackie was someone Hyde barely tolerated. "It was after that party, last summer, when I walked you home. You were in a sharing mood, I guess." She swallows. "You, uh. You also told me you got crushes on boys and girls."

Jackie's eyes widen.

"I didn't- I didn't know. What to do." Her jaw tenses. "Sorry," she blurts, still not meeting Jackie's eyes.

Jackie tilts her head. "For what?"

"I dunno." She claws up the deep-rooted guilt from her stomach, lets it out in a breath. "I coulda said something. Thrown you a rope. But I didn't."

"Sylvie." Jackie ducks her gaze, with a smile. "Y'know what? I think one reason I wanted to be friends with you so bad was because- I knew. I mean, I didn't know. But maybe, kind of, deep down. I sensed you were a clue to the mystery." Her eyes lift back up. Her smile widens. "And I was right." 

Hyde smiles back. Warmth slams into her, with the force of a supernova, collapsing her lungs.

 _Oh._ She's in trouble.

Jackie's smile condenses to a smirk. "Also, looking back, I had the hugest crush on you."

"Yeah, that explains why you told me I had 'such pretty eyes.'"

"Oh my _god."_ Jackie buries her face into Hyde's shoulder. Hyde laughs, and wraps her arms around her.

Jackie perks up, lifting her head, one hand braced on Hyde's chest. "Ooh! I love this song!" She turns up the volume on the radio, busting out with her adorably terrible singing voice, "Youuu, you make lovin' fun... it's all I wanna do!" When Hyde cracks up even harder, Jackie shoots her a look. "So you're too cool for Fleetwood Mac, huh?"

Hyde recovers her breath, grinning. She shrugs. "Nah, I like 'em okay."

"Aha! Another band we can agree on." Jackie slides on top of Hyde, straddling her stomach. "Just like ABBA..." she sings, poking her in the ribs.

Hyde grimaces, catching Jackie's wrists. "I don't like ABBA."

"Yes, you do!"

"No, I don't."

Jackie plants her hands above Hyde's head, bending down over her. She fills the sky above, hair dark and flowing, eyes bright in the starglow reflecting off the rear windows of the El Camino. She's all Hyde can see, and feel. Sweet pressure on her stomach, on her lungs, the weight of letting someone close enough to leave an impression.

And Hyde thinks- if Heaven exists, in some form or denomination, it must be something like this.

Her breath comes fast and shallow. She tries to hold her ground.

"ABBA is mainstream, disco-flavored Swedish pop garbage-"

Jackie huffs. "Just shut up and kiss me, Sylvie."

So she does.

✩ E N D ✩

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh goodness. Here we are. Allow me to offer a big mushy Thank You, from the bottom of my heart, to all of you who've been so generous with your comments. Your encouragement means so much. And to everyone who's reading this, thank you for sticking it out until the end! I hope you had half as much fun reading as I had writing. 
> 
> Any and all thoughts you might have on this final chapter, or the story as a whole, please don't be shy- I'd love to hear them!!
> 
> Music mentioned:  
> ["Keep It Comin' Love" by KC & The Sunshine Band (1976)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibvYxe43cCQ)  
> ["You Make Loving Fun" by Fleetwood Mac (1977)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJ69Spa4rIs)


End file.
